Winter Break?

Sleeping in... eating leftovers... drinking beer... working on scripts for work... procrastinating working on said scripts... Playstation... more beer... I woke up today to a breaking news report about the assasination of Pakistan's former Prime Minister (sometimes the world world is a terrible place) ... Meanwhile, I've become an associate of the Corleone family and can't get enough of my Godfather video game.

The Very Idea...

The email entreated me to stop by whenever I had the chance to discuss 'plans for next school year'. I misread the message and believed that the teacher had questions about my the coming semester and the classroom production we are developing. I stop by the Asperger program and she takes me aside and says something to the effect of, "I want you to seriously, seriously consider teaching the new middle school class next year." (Apparently the program is adding another class between the two existing Aspergers classes, and this specific teacher is suggesting, to not only me but the director of the program, as well, that I be the teacher.) "Just think about it."

I can only imagine the puzzled look on my face.

I came to this school to combine my two interests of performing arts and special education, and for now that is what I plan to do. Maybe sometime in the future after I go back to school I might feel more secure stepping back into the classroom as a head teacher but for now I think I'll stick to the 'Expressive Arts'.

And Cue The Applause!

December In Our Town, the Holiday Concert, was a monster hit. Well, the friends and family loved it anyway. The students stepped up, and put in the effort. Students who have not sung one note all semester suddenly were singing out loud and waving at their proud parents. The songs sounded great. The spoken parts were greeted with much applause, and my boss was thoroughly impressed with the performance. My coworker and myself exchanged relieved looks, and accepted the praise.

Holiday Stage Fright?

My first Holiday Concert is tomorrow afternoon, and I'm am completely stressed out and nervous about. I'm the 'Expressive Arts Specialist' at a school for Special Needs children and I am more nervous about our Holiday show than I ever was about performing in Professional Theatre.

Perhaps it's because I myself am not performing, and I am not directly in control of what actually happens onstage. Am I a control freak? I've directed shows for theatre companies before and I believe I was very trusting of my casts and able to 'let go' when the time came.

I am still fairly new at my job here, I am exploring lots of approaches to dealing with my students, and I am finding out what does and does not work with each student. Unfortunately I am having a harder time nailing down the staff. Some staff are very eager to help, and extremely accommodating and then again some... are not so much. We rehearse our chorus once a week, in 4 different sessions. This Friday will be the first time we've been able to assemble the entire chorus in the same room at the same time to go over our show. I also cast several students in the show, giving them speaking roles and hoping to stage a few scenes between Holiday songs. Unfortunately I have never been able to rehearse with all of my actors at the same time. The scheduling conflicts, school wide assemblies, forget fullness of some staff members, and other unforeseen circumstances have made the rehearsal process a nightmare. Couple this with the spacing restrictions of our stage, and I have had to scrap the script all together. Instead the few students whom I have been working with will introduce each Holiday or celebration to the audience before the songs.

Every actor/performer has the same nightmare to a certain degree. In this horribly stressful and all too reoccurring dream the actor is thrust onstage for a performance of a show. The catch is that they do not remember rehearsing for the show at all. Maybe there's a instance of forgetting to attend rehearsals, caught completely unaware, or even that the actor just hasn't kept up with the demand. The actor is completely unprepared, unfamiliar with the script, and caught up in a whirlwind of frenetic energy as the performance goes on around them and they stumble to keep up appearances and deliver a convincing performance. I myself have suffered from this nightmare many times.

"What if the audience knows? What if they see through me? What if they figure out that I am a phony? What if they think that I'm awful?"

That's what it's all about, I think. The dream is all about being discovered; of exposing your weaknesses. The dream is all about insecurity.

"I could've done more! I should have done more!"

We'll have to wait and see how the show goes over. I'm more leery of the parents than I ever was of Lawrence Bommer or any other 'critic'.

*WARNING - ALBERTA CLIPPER _ WARNING*

Beware! There are small, tiny, white mositure flakes falling from the sky! The white flakes are starting to gather into a fine thin powder covering the roads! Lock your doors! Close your windows! Don't go outside! For God's sake do not operate a motor vehicle! It's madness out there! Insanity!

After a 3 hour commute to work for our school's half day, I was a little bitter. It was smattering of snowflakes and the Beltway was a parking lot! It was ridiculous! Fenderbenders, Rubber-Neckers, and even cars who lost control and swerved into guard rails because of a snow flurry! As if my commute were bad enough... Old Man Winter sneezes and everyone forgets how to drive with a snowflake on their windshield!

Best Laid Plans...

Left work a little early today, at the request of my wife, to pick up the dog and take her in for a heartworm & Lyme Disease Test. (A few weeks back we found a gargantuan mutant deer tick on Tootsie's neck, and... well, some us have a tendency to worry.) I also needed to work on a few script that I am developing for my classroom productions and needed my home computer to do my revisions so I had planned to head home early anyway.

I cannot get into my neighborhood! There is only one entrance into Epping Forest and the blustery wind that has been blowing all day has apparently knocked down some powerlines leading into my neighborhood. No one gets in... no one gets out!

Isn't that just typical?

Don't Make No Sense...

Couple days ago Evel Knievel died from health issues relating to diabetes and pulmonary fibrosis. He was a world famous daredevil! With his motorcycle he jumped over buses, cars, and live sharks! He tried to jump a canyon with a rocket-cycle! He'd broken 40 bones in his many horrific crashes and he dies from a lung disease.

Heroes were never meant to age gracefully.

Heard The Coolest Song This Morning

I was sitting in traffic, aimlessly switching the radio stations when I came across Kris Kristofferson's Jesus Was a Capricorn.

The lyrics read:

Jesus was a Capricorn, he ate organic foods.

He believed in love and peace and never wore no shoes.

Long hair, beard and sandals and a funky bunch of friends.

Reckon they'd just nail him up if He come down again.

'Cos everybody's got to have somebody to look down on.

Who they can feel better than at anytime they please.
Someone doin' somethin' dirty, decent folks can frown on.

If you can't find nobody else, then help yourself to me.

Get back, John!

Egg Head's cousin Red Neck's cussin' hippies for their hair.

Others laugh at straights who laugh at freaks who laugh at squares.

Some folks hate the whites who hate the blacks who hate the clan.

Most of us hate anything that we don't understand.

'Cos everybody's got to have somebody to look down on.

Who they can feel better than at anytime they please.

Someone doin' somethin' dirty, decent folks can frown on.

If you can't find nobody else, then help yourself to me.

Help yourself, brother.

Help yourself, Gentlemen.

Help yourself Reverend.

The song brought a smile to my face and started it in the right direction. I don't know why I liked it. I'm not religious. I don't usually like country music. I just thought the song was funny, and wanted to share it.

Back To Reality

Our time here in White Bear Lake is almost done. The bags are packed. Our flight is in a few hours and by this time tomorrow we'll be back in the daily grind.

Our little vacation away from the real world was very refreshing. The wedding went off without a hitch. It was a very simple, romantic affair with close friends and family. The reception was a rocking good time. Our entrance and first dance made quite the impression.

We've spent the last two days, our first days, as husband and wife; lounging around our suite, sipping champagne, and dreading check out. By tonight we'll be back in our house, walking the Toot, and preparing for the rest of our lives.

Today's The Day!

Getting married in 8 hours. The family members are in town. The rehearsal dinner is over. Only thing left to do is say I Do.

Actually that's not accurate. There's errands I have to run. I have to press my suit, trim my beard, wash a load of laundry, and pick up cups, and Kegs for the reception.

Then all I'll have to do is say I Do.

It's exciting. The nervousness hasn't hit me yet!

Day 5 - Kearney To White Bear Lake

We got an early start and prepared to head off on our last leg of the trip, 573 miles to go. The weather report had a 30% chance of snow in Lincoln, Omaha, and then Des Moines. There were snow flurries but we were making great time.

About 55 miles outside of Des Moines we hit a full on snow storm. Visibility drops, the road has frozen over, and we start seeing more and more cars winding up in ditches. We average 40 mph until we get around the city and head north to St. Paul. Eventually we drive out of the snowstorm and it's smooth sailing to the Twin Cities.

The drive is over, now there is just the wedding!

Day 4 - Denver To Georgetown To Denver To Kearney

The car was dropped off at the dealership. With several hours to kill, a car is rented and we set off up into the Rockies. I have never been to the Rockies before and even though we were only a few hours from Denver the view was amazing. We stopped by the side of the road, and overlooks and snapped picture after picture of beautiful valleys, and mountains.

We drove through Georgetown, The Silver Queen of The Rockies. It's a little mining town that is nestled in a valley near the Guanella Pass. We drove through the pass, over 11600 feet above sea level. I even climbed up onto a frozen waterfall, and then proceeded to wheeze for the next half hour. It was definitely worth the trip, on a beautiful day.

We got back to Denver as the cold front was moving in, we picked up the car and drove off into Nebraska with the adverse weather behind us. We stopped for the night in Kearney.

Day 3 - Wichita to Denver

Left Wichita and made it to Dodge City. $7 dollars to walk down the historic street and see exhibits, most of which were closed for the season. We spent a few minutes at Boot Hill before getting back on the road.

Greensburg, Kansas, 95% destroyed when a mile and a half wide tornado (EF5) with winds of over 200 mph swept through the town in May of 2007. All that's left are bare trees, a temporary hospital and houses being built up from scratch. It was like something from another planet.

Around Pueblo, Colorado, the left front wheels little noise has grown into an unmistakable problem. Adam thinks the wheel bearings are going - possible ,worst case scenario effects of this include trouble steering or loss of the wheel. That won't do. We decide to stop overnight in Denver and wait to see if the car is easily, and cheaply fixed. So that's where we are... hours short of today's goal of Cheyenne, Wyoming... waiting.

Day 2: Paducah to Wichita (Delayed)

Left Kentucky early heading west into Missouri. There was a little incident involving a state tropper around Mountain Grove... might've been worse. The car rolled into Joplin, Mo a few hours later than expected, and the boys visited with some friends briefly before hitting the road once again.

Missouri turns into Kansas -who could tell. We decide to spend the night in Wichita; a few hours short of our goal of Dodge City. We'll start fresh the next day and make up the time we've lost.

* I Couldn't find an internet connection yesterday so I missed an update.

Day 1- Annapolis to Paducah

Left Maryland heading west, through West Virgina into and across most of Kentucky to the town called Paducah. Oh, but are the boys satisfied there... After 15 hours or so on the road do the boys call it a night?

NO!

They cross the river, go into the Land of Lincoln, storm the streets of Metropolis, see the Superman Statue and loose a few bucks at the casino before returning to their hotel room and getting some much needed sleep.

Today we drove over 8oo miles. Tomorrow we hope to, by way of Joplin and the Pecks, make it to Dodge City! Stay Tuned!

One Week & Counting!

The Wedding is in one week. I realized I haven't written about the Wedding yet. It seemed like it was so far off that I could write about it at a later date. Now I just don't know what to write.

I hope everyone will have a good time. I'm disappointed some friends cannot make it but understand. I am excited to get the two families together. I'm excited for Sunday morning; waking up with my wife, and a teeny tiny hangover.

I just dropped the dog off at a friends house. She isn't making the trip to White Bear Lake, MN. Dropping her off was the last thing I have to do before town... besides finishing packing. It really hit me when I left Tootsie behind. I'm leaving to get married.

Yesterday I dropped Sara off at the airport. I still had time. Now I'm getting down to the wire.

Tomorrow morning at the butt crack of dawn Adam, my best man, and I are hitting the road. Since he's not a flyer (Puss) we decided to drive to Minnesota by way of the Bad Lands! That's right! We're taking a road trip! My last hurrah! Hitting the road with my best friend! Seeing the country!

It's going to be just like SIDEWAYS! (Except for the vineyards, the drinking, the sex, and the broken nose... Actually, it'll probably be more like Cannonball Run... only a little cooler... not much, but a little.)

Thank You, Mr. Klazer!

Today I subbed in the one class I did not want to sub in today... or any other day. I've written about them before. Some are very intelligent. Some are creative. All of them are a handful. They're disrespectful, disruptive, smart enough to find loop holes, and lazy enough to need those loop holes.

I've had a hard time getting them to participate in my drama class, and have had to readjust my schedule for their many disruptions, inappropriate comments, and fits of anger. Sometimes it is the longest 30 minutes of my week.

Today I was with them all day. There's a new head teacher (last one quit), and a new staff to make up for the two missing assistants (also quit). The exhaustion always shows in the faces of the classroom staff... before they quit. So there I was all day long.

Time stood still.

The one cool part of today was when I took over the Science Experiment. The new teacher, a completely capable and responsible person, was intimidated by the lesson, and was having a hard time grasping everything. She asked me to help, and before I knew it I had bailed on the botched experiment, started afresh and led most of the class through a fairly simple experiment on sugars and starches.

I made sure the students were safe during the experiment, did not cross-contaminate our samples and kept them engaged (for the most part). The teacher couldn't have been happier. She's asked me if I would be free to help out with Science every week.

My Senior Year of High School I was Mr. Klazer's lab sssistant for a chemistry class. He didn't always have lots of tasks for me, and even let me ditch sometimes to go rehearse my lines but he did use me during the experiments. I would set up, assist him, guide the groups, and help clean up afterwards. I have to credit him with today's small victory.

My older brother, a Science Teacher, will be so proud.

Pretentious?

Friday I attended a conference up in Baltimore. Non-public special educators came from all over the state to take part in the days seminars.

My 1st session was on teaching social skills. The material was pretty common sense but the speaker was very entertaining.

My 2nd session was on teaching poetry to special students. The guest speaker gave us several exercises, all of which dealt with writing about ourselves as a metaphor. Then she asked us to share our work. My coworker thought I should read mine but I quickly became aware of the skyrocketing pretension being exhibited in the room.

The poem was called an 'I Am' poem. You compare yourself to colors, animals, feelings, weather, etc. People soon became enamored of their own creativity, and the vanity of the poems became so overwhelming.

"I am the daughter of mother earth..."
"I am an eagle; proud and fierce."
"I am an original; never before seen."
"I am amazing..."
"I am a god..."

I didn't read mine. I don't think it was quite as pretentious as some of the others but I just didn't feel like shairing then.

I am the bastard son of ambition and sloth;

torn between embattled parents.

I am the promise of rain in the desert sky;

waiting.

I am the color of rust;

deep and burnt.

I am the smell of a familiar room you never wanted to leave.

I am the texture of worn sand paper;

not as abrasive as in my youth.

I am a camel;

plodding along with untapped reserves.

I am the taste of cinnamon;

a sharp bite followed by a lingering warmth.

I am grey;

the belly of a storm - the strength of steel.

I am the dream you forget upon waking and search for all through your day.

* A bit pompous I am sure.

I Realize I'm Dreaming...

... at the point when I get completely overwhelmed. It's always the same kind of dream. I'm waiting tables. The restaurant is a hybrid of every place I've ever served at; familiar faces, routine, geography, nightly specials.

I'm back on the floor. I place an order and nothing goes right. The drinks are wrong! The food is burned! Someone knocks over my tray! I can't get my order from the kitchen. The customer is upset! The manager blames me! I suddenly feel completely out of control, and then somewhere in the back of my brain I realize, 'This is dream. This isn't real.'

I just never got that worked up at those jobs. Don't get me wrong. There were stressful shifts, when nothing seemed to go right but there was always a point where I could let go and decompress. I would reach a plateau, regroup and turn things around. In these dreams, I am completely unable to cope with anything. I'm drowning in my own anxiety. That's not me.

I also dreamed that I was standing in line, as requested by my sister-in-law, to buy a gift for my niece. It apparently was a hot item and tensions ran high in the line and people were not being very cordial. Then the line fell apart and it becomes clear to me that I was mistaken. The people aren't waiting to buy a toy for their children they are here for an extremely competive, and high-stakes auction. Something very valuable is going up on the block. Then the person next to me starts an argument, and then their auction paddle is suddenly transformed, under their mental control, into two sai type of ninja weapons. I fend off the attack as best I can with my flimsy auction paddle. I am in a hopeless confrontation. Suddenly, one of my students, the creative one, instructs me on how to transform my paddle into a broad sword. Suddenly the sword starts buzzing and I feel the power in it when I realize that the buzzing is actually the vibrating alarm on my phone.

I open my eyes.

Motor Skills

How are your fine motor skills? How are you at mazes? Can you manipulate you cursor, using your mouse, through a few 'simple' mazes? You'd be amazed at how difficult it trully can be. Can you get through without stressing out? I don't know if I'd say it's scary but it's definitely an amusing test of your patience.

Just click on the link and open the mazes. TRY!

PET Peeve!

I'm lying in bed, blissfully, asleep with thoughts of sugar plums break dancing in my head. The morning is cold. Beneath my comforter is warm. Suddenly, a warm, wetness slips across my thigh. There it is again. A warm, wet clam or something brushes across the back of my thigh. Am I dreaming? I move away from the unpleasant attack and role over refusing to give into consciousness. A rustling from beneath the covers, suddenly the clam is flicking across my eyelids, running across my cheeks, dampening my forehead with its unwelcome warmness.

It's too late.

Now I'm awake. Abruptly, I'm ousted from dreamland and find myself being assaulted by an overly affectionate dog at 5:56 AM. My alarm doesn't go off until 6:00 AM! I'm awake 4 minutes early! I hate being woken up before the alarm! This will ruin my entire day. I now will have to stay in bed for 10 extra minutes out of spite, before starting my day in a foul mood!

The good news is, that I won't have to shower this morning since Tootsie's tongue has bathed my entire face from bearded chin to receding hairline whilst I tried to sleep through the ordeal.

I Wanted To Scream!

A rainy day
-Bummer!
Almost a 3 hour commute
-Really?
Rain is wet
-Are you serious?
People can't drive when it's wet
-That's stupid!
People are stupid
-Yes they are!
I was late


PS. My Mother is an alarmist!

WTF?

Read a news report today about a controversy involving the author of the popular Harry Potter books, J.K Rowlings. She, apparently, has stated that Albus Dumbledore, the Headmaster at Hogwarts, is a homosexual. He was in love with a rival, they dueled and he never got over the heartache. Gay wizards every have been inspired to take off their cloaks of invisibilty, step out of their closets, hold their heads up high and state, "Yes, I am gay, and I practice witchcraft! By the way, did you notice that my robes match the color scheme in my magical lair. I'm all about mixing the Black Arts with Fashion. Fierce!"

In other irrelevant news...

Kid Rock is white trash!

Ellen is still nuts!

Grrrrrrr!

I have this one class... every week I dread them coming in. I am at my wits end. They are the highest functioning class I see. Smart. Creative. Inappropriate. Disruptive. Disrespectful. Rowdy.

It's almost ten weeks into the school year and I haven't been able to work with them consistently. My other classes come in, knock out a couple exercises, and leave excited for next class. This class... with few exceptions... they trickle in, they mope around, they make inappropriate comments, they talk over each other, they run out into the hallway, and a half hour class stretches on into an eon of agony.

I plan to eventually work each of my classes into a classroom production of a short 5 -10 minute play. My other classes have proven to me that they can follow directions, complete activities, transition from one activity to the next, and may be ready for a bigger project. This one class is falling way short of my simple expectations.

So today I told them so. I told them how disrespectful they were being (to each other as well as myself), I told them how we have not made much progress in the last couple months, and I told them that I didn't feel that they were ready to move on to a bigger project.

They sat in stunned silence, threw out a few feeble attempts at a defense and then turned around and nailed the exercise. I know that their classroom staff has been run ragged by them, and every one's frustrated and looking for a way to settle the class down. I would not necessarily suggest reaming them out... but for the time being it has seemed to have a positive effect for me.

Sorry Ma!

Not much to say. Nothing new...

Wedding's approaching. Money's tight. Commute sucks. Work's good. Tired.

Daily Occurrence.

Every day the kindergarten class lines up in the morning just outside my room. One by one they file in and have a seat in the hallway and wait for the entire class to show up. It just so happens that, usually, this is the time that I run to the main office to check my mail box. The kids have started greeting me in the morning. Today as I returned to class one of the little boys saw me come around the corner and announced to the class, "Hey, look who it is!" Then the class bombarded me with their salutations.

Nothing brings a smile to your face quicker than a class of five year old calling out to you, "Good Morning Mr. Cobb!" Or "Buenos Dias!" (They just learned that one.)

Burger Emergency!

I heard this phone call on the radio the other day and I thought it must've been a hoax. Do yourself a favor and listen to the audio file at the end of the article...

WTF?

Apparently, you cannot get it your way, right away!

Duct Hunting Season

This past weekend I had a blast working on a film submission to the 2007 CAmm SLamm 48 Hour Film Festival. This group in Baltimore, the Creative Alliance, sponsors the event. Each film team is given a prop at 8PM on Friday, everyone receives the same prop, and then must develop, film, and edit a film for screening by 8PM Sunday. This year's prop was a roll of duct tape.

The project my friend Dean came up with was a campy, horror flick entitled Attack of the Killer Duct Tape! We spent all day Saturday at the Sweathouse Section of Gunpowder Falls Park hiking, fighting off evil duct tape, fleeing from a giant ball of duct tape! It was a fun project to work on.

I'm not sure how well it went over at the screening, The campiness of the film may not have been as obvious as we would have wanted, and I know that my friend had hoped for a better response. I'm sure many of the directors had hoped for more enthusiastic receptions. Some of the films were very creative; others were less so.

48 hours is a short time in which to create a film... much less something worth watching.

What Did You Do This Weekend?

• Went out to eat to celebrate my father's birthday. He had to wear a sombrero and be serenaded by the less than enthusiastic staff. It was amusing.
• Went to a crab feast. (Yum)
• Attended a theatre party where a recorded production was screened. (Groan)
• An 8 O'Clock 3K Walk For Breast/Ovarian Cancer, which in reality became a 9 O'CLock 5K Walk!
• Took another beating in my Fantasy Football League.
• Had a sick 4 year old lick my face... twice.

Odd Bumper Sticker!

'If You Love Jesus...

TITHE

Anyone Can Honk!'

____________________________________________

Unless you don't have a car... or arms.

Then I pictured a poor, armless girl waiting at a bus stop crying because Jesus would never know how much she loves him.

Fame VS Flame

Student: Hey, teacher do you want to hear a joke?

Teacher: You have a good joke? Sure, let me have it.

Student: (Reading from a joke book.) Where do great dragon athletes go when they retire?

Teacher: I don't know. Where do great dragon athletes go when they retire?

Student: To the Hall of Fame! (Laughs hysterically.)

Teacher: Um, are you sure that's not supposed to read, "Hall of FLAME!"?

Student: (Without missing a beat.) Hall of FLAME! (Laughs hysterically.)

Teacher: Get it? Dragons! Flames!

Student: Yeah, flame! Hall of Flame! That's a good one, huh?

Hear Ye! Hear Ye!

This past weekend I visited my very first Renaissance Festival!

The history buff in me appreciated the atmosphere, and spectacle of it all, but the geeky child in me giggled at all the corseted bosoms, and theatre geeks.

It was fun. A few acres jam-packed with what are supposedly Medeval games, foods, crafts, foods, sword fighting, foods on a stick, jousting, fried foods on a stick and kid friendly shows. I especially enjoyed the jalapeno cheeseburger fries. (I hear they were popular among the Knights of the Round Table.)

I plan on going back at a time when I am not chaperoning my nephew, or parents. It was fun to experience it all through a child's eyes, but I look forward to returning at a time when I can be more adult. Nothing combines history and fun like plastic cups of light beer, a smoked turkey leg, and the battle axe toss!

Britney Blunder.

I don't know how it happened... okay, that's a lie.

This morning on the news there was a story on Britney Spears' performance on the MTV Music Awards. Apparently it didn't go well but the rest of the event was a smash.

Then on the way to work today Howard Stern was discussing it. Apparently Britney was bad, and the rest of the show was horrendous.

Then I logged on to my email this morning before class and there was an article on her performance along with a video. I watched it. It wasn't the worst thing I've ever seen. The article talked about flubbed lip-synching, a bad wardrobe, and poor quality of her performance but was under the opinion that the Awards Ceremony was a huge success.

So, today in my TV Production class someone brings up Britney Spears. We were discussing celebrity news, and her name popped up so I used her career as an illustration of a story line. Cute little child star - Fresh-faced Pop Newcomer - Pop Superstar - Hollywood Celebrity - Mrs. Federline - Mother - Divorced - Wild Child - Bald - Cannon Fodder for Jay Leno, etc.

We skipped all of the beaver shots, and acts of hedonism that wouldn't be appropriate to discuss in a school environment. We ended the time line with Britney's MTV performance. One of my students asked with what appeared to be genuine concern, "What's going to happen to her?"

I confessed that I couldn't be sure and that that is what makes her story interesting. The news is how will she respond to the criticism and uber negative, vicious comments being posted on-line about her? What will be her next move? Will her star rise again or be trampled under the foot of that slack-jawed, oafish, tempermental beast known as Fame? I then told them that during the course of the semester if they spotted any Britney Spears News to bring it to class and we would update the story line.

They seemed to enjoy the class.

Limping Through The Sky

Once again I stood against the stiff breeze - (Hehe, I said Stiff) - string in hand, guiding my lame dragon through the air. Suddenly, a gust of wind kicks up around us and the patio umbrella takes flight. Sara reaches up and prevents the umbrellas escape, and I, kite in one hand, cellular phone in the other, rush over to lend a free hand.

I don't have one.

1 minute later & the umbrella was secure, my phone call prematurely terminated and my kite, once again, floating in the Chesapeake Bay. So I waded in after my cheap, plastic dragon kite which cost me $2. I rescue it.

Unfortunately, the string has come unwound and caught up in the rocks of the shoreline. I work against the rising tide to untangle the tangle. I get free, only to be confronted by the single worst, monstrosity of a knot ever to be seen on a string.

Part of me wants to just say, "Fuck It!" Throw the string into the bay and forget about my little lame dragon. But I don't.

I spent close to a half hour working on that knot. Yeah, okay, a half hour isn't that long but it seems like an eternity when your working on a knot. I did it. Freed the dragon, fought down my impatience and lived to tell the tale... and all for a kite.

Sometimes the little victories are the sweetest.

My First Day With The Kids.

"My hobby is to be annoying. I like to annoy people. I'm good at being annoying!"

"My favorite animal is the BLUE WHALE... The largest animal to ever live on the planet! Shut up! It is TOO!" (No one had raised an objection before the outburst.)

"I'm Doing Yoga!"

"Huh, Mister 'Corn On The...'"

"2 Unbelievable SONOROUS Farts!" *

* Window-Rattling! Ear-popping! Thunderous! - It was hard to keep a straigh face.

Let Me Get This Straight

We move here from Chicago, a town which we LOVE with friends whom we are fond of, for a job opportunity, to be closer to family, and to hopefully gain a little financial stability?

I just started a new job. I won't get paid for another 3 weeks. I have less than $2oo bucks to my name, no savings account to speak of, an 80 mile round trip commute per day and gas is $2.68 per gallon, not to mention the overdue bills that we're having to gloss over and a wedding to plan... the clock is ticking; just 3 months to go.

JEEEEZUS! I hate to go begging for more money. When will I feel like an adult?

Vitality 5

Over the weekend I flew to Chicago to see Speaking Ring Theatre's 5th annual Vitality Festival. My script, Kings Of Cabbage, won the audience choice award. Not to belabour the obvious but that means that my script was chosen, by the audience as their favorite show in the festival.

That also means that my script will be produced AGAIN.

I couldn't have been happier with the production. The director, my friend Erin Rooney, really nailed the show. She created a very specific world, and cast a talented group of actors to breathe life into the show. Each of the three actors, 1 M & 2 F, were wonderfully zany, committed to their roles and had their time to shine onstage. (I actually enjoy laughing at a show with the audience, sometimes I am the only one amused by my writings.)

There are past shows that I am proud of, there are shows that I wish could be revised and produced again, but this was the most fun I've ever had watching a show that I've written. So thank you Rooney, and thank you to the cast: Neil Arsenty (The Walrus), Erin Orr (The Carpenter), and Aubrey Brown (The Solicitor). Break A Leg At Abbie Hoffman!

My Yesterday

7:20 PM - The time that Southwest Flight 1717 was supposed to leave BWI en route to Chicago.

10:20 PM- The time posted for our flight delay due to inclement weather.

11:45 PM- The second time given for departure, after our flight delay, which actually was the departure time for Southwest Flight 806 originally schedule to leave at 2:30 PM.

12:30 AM - Yet another projected time of departure for Southwest Flight 1717.

1:15 AM - The time that our flight actually taxied to the runway for departure.

2:00 AM - (Central Time Zone) I step off of my quick little flight to Chicago for the weekend.

I spent a long time in the airport yesterday, and I wasn't the only one. Apparently there were weather fronts, and storm warnings and all kinds of delay causing phenomenon. Many flights were delayed and even cancelled. When I walked through the terminal in Chicago there were dozens of people sleeping on cots that the airlines had put out for the stranded.

My Day Before Yesterday

My mother was going back into the hospital. Her Cancer has come back. I was in Chicago the first time my mother got sick. She told me to not to bother flying back, that everything that could be done was being done. It was a waiting game. I felt so helpless.

It’s different this time. She’s not showing symptoms. She’s not ill. Her Cancer Indicators are rising, and a scan has revealed a tumor, or something in her abdomen. This procedure is to head the Cancer off at the pass. Go in, take a look around for other signs of the disease, remove the tumor, and get ready for some serious chemo. She’s been cancer free for several years now.

The operation took a good part of the day. We camped out in the waiting room; trying to read our books, listen to music, watch a little TV. Anything to keep our thoughts off of the ticking clock. The day crept by.

The surgery went well. The tumor was removed, and sent away for testing. There didn’t appear to be other signs of Cancer. Her doctor felt really good about the outcome. We all shook his hand and thanked him very much. Then I went outside to call my brothers and give them an update.

*An interesting side note here is that my mother is being treated at Walter Reed. It’s a military hospital here in D.C. and apparently it is where many wounded soldiers get sent when they come home from Iraq. I saw at least ten wounded soldiers during the course of the day. Now I watch the news, and I hear the reports of roadside bombs, wounded soldiers, etc,, but seeing those soldiers walking through the halls of the hospital on prosthetic legs, or in wheelchairs acutely aware of their newly amputated limbs puts it all in a different light.

Good Bye Duckworth

Today was my last day of Summer School, and if everything goes according to plan -It will - my last day at my school. (This fall I will be starting a teaching position at a different school teaching theatre to special needs children.) I got a little emotional. This is the first job I've had in sometime where I am proud of the work I do. I've only been teaching there since November but I really got to feel comfortable, and appreciated there.
Despite the many struggles, the bruises and scrapes I really liked most of my students and I will miss seeing them everyday.
I will miss walking the halls and seeing all of the little faces light up when they see me.
I will miss hearing my name butchered by less articulate tongues.
I will miss the high fives.
I will some of my coworkers.
Here's hoping I fit in so well at my new job.

Life Is Rough

Don Williams, Jr said,

“Fame and riches are fleeting. Stupidity is eternal.”

"He pooped in the pool!"

Now you know why I don't go swimming with my students. The aquatics teachers can dodge floating turds.

I'll pass.

Scalpels and Silliness.

I'm co teaching some speech therapy classes a couple times a week and one of my older boys, and his brother, are planning on going to Medical Camp. That's right, Medical Camp. These two are so stoked about the experience.
He talked about operating on gummi worms, dressing up in scrubs and getting to administer a TB Shot to an orange.
Now I must admit I have been a M*A*S*H addict since I was a youngster, and I do enjoy gummied candy but I know full well that when I was 12 I would have not been heading off to a hospital for Day Camp. I may not have been the toughest bully on the block but I fo'sho would've passed over the band geeks to beat me up some Jr. MD's.

It's Official

A new one act play by yours truly will premiere this August at Speaking Ring Theatre's Fifth Annual VITALITY Festival. Kings Of Cabbage, directed by a good friend of mine, Erin Rooney, will be going up, hopefully, to rave reviews. I really like this script and I hope it goes well.

I'm going to try to make it into town for the show, but between my fiance's opening weekend, my mother's upcoming surgery, and my starting a new job it might not happen.

Any Chicago friends got a couch I can crash on?

AC/D3

I found something that makes my commute less intolerable. Do you like to ROCK?
3 songs in a row! Angus moves me!

"Hey I got my papers."

I am confused at this random announcement. "What papers?"

"My divorce papers," she explains, "It's about to be final."

"Oh, that's too bad,"I offer. "I remember you said things were rough a while back."

"It got worse. He walked out. Just decided he didn't want to be married anymore."

"Sorry."

"So I called my lawyer. This is my second divorce," - I can't tell if she's bragging or not - "I don't fool around. So you know what I did?"

"I can't even begin to guess."

She takes a deep breath and then says, "I went out dancing. Last Friday. My husband came over to get somethings and I answered the door wearing a tank top, tight jeans and 2 inch heels. He had to sit down. He had to wait until I left before he could stand up. I know my husband and I know why he couldn't stand up."

EW!

"I already got a guy's number," she adds. "I told him we can't do anything yet. But soon as this divorce is finalized I'm gonna give him a call."

There were other details, about the four kids, the lack of explanations, the hurt feelings, and such. I realize I am easy to talk to but, come on... hold somethings back. I don't need all of the details. Somethings could be private.

Weird.

I was running late this morning, racing to work, and as I was turning on to RT 50 I glance up and see a man sitting in his car waiting to get off the highway. He nods to me. He looks familiar. How do I know this man? Who is he? His face is familiar but I can't remember his name. Is he someone from my past? A casual acquaintance? College Professor? Is he someone I haven't seen in years, or someone whom I shouldn't recall? Why do I have a craving for cheap beer all of the sudden?

DAMN! It hits me twenty minutes down the road...

He's the check out guy at my liquor store. His face is that familiar to me. There's a possibility I've been going in to his establishment too much as of late.

It's just a kite

My eyes occasionally focus and follow the taught string high into the air where a lame dragon limps among the clouds. The wind tugs and twists the body. A stiff breeze kisses his plastic scales. His left hind leg dangles, useless, at his side. The string digs into my fingers as I hold it tight. The waves beckon but the dragon cannot be bothered. He will not be fooled again, and carelessly plunge into the depths for that is how he injured himself the first time. Somewhere, far beneath his spinning tail and fluttering limb, lies his bone of plastic sinking into the mucky bottom of the Chesapeake.

The 4th

Early matinee of Transformers with my best friend. (I dug it!)

Lazing around with the little woman.

Splashing around in the Severn River with my Niece & Nephew.

Blue Cheese Burgers with the family.

It was a pretty good holiday. Even got to see some fireworks through the trees.

Walk Softly

He just stood there with his arms crossed. He was not a happy camper. First day of Summer School and they had switched his room, his teacher and his para-professionals. Now he doesn't get to board his bus and ride home. Aftercare? Five more hours in the school gymnasium? What the hell is going on?

A girl steps up to him and says, "Go put your book bag on the steps and sit down."

"No!"

"Put your book bag on the step and sit down."

"No!"

She takes a step towards him and says, "You don't tell me no. Book bag on the steps and sit down.... Now!"

The director of the aftercare hears the tension in her voice and comes racing over. He knows this young man. He's dealt with the stubbornness. He's felt the blows rain down in frustration. "Whoa Whoa, I got him. I got him. It's okay. Don't upset him. I'll deal with him. You get the little kids."

The girl almost seems offended. "What? Why? What's he going to do?"

I chime in, "He's been know to try and put your head through the table."

She turns around and sees me for the first time. The director nods apologetically and says, "He just needs time to adjust. It's new for him."

"Yeah, and they switched his classroom. He's in 14 with me," I add.

The director pales and asks,"What? Are you serious?"

"Yeah, he's been on edge all day." I turn to the girl and say, "Good luck!"

Here's The 411

I am not a phone person.
I don't think I ever was.
I use the phone to make quick calls, let people know where I am, and maybe to pay a bill or two.
I don't ever just get on the phone to shoot the breeze or kill time.
So don't take it personally if I get off the phone abruptly once I realize you have nothing to say.
Oh, and if I'm short with you - I don't mean to offend - I'm five minutes away, I'm coming over, can't you wait until I get there to tell me your interesting story or ask me your crucial question?
Thank Gawd for voice mail.

* This post was not directed to anyone in specific but if you are offended, family members of mine, feel free not to call me and tell me about your feelings. Thanks.

Let's Go O's

Took our father to Camden Yards for Father's Day even though I am told he's now a Nationals Fan.
It was fun to go back to the stadium. I haven't seen an Orioles' game in Baltimore since before I moved to Chicago in 1998. I always tried to see the Orioles whenever they came through the Windy City to play the White Sox, but it's just not the same.
We lost. Oh well, I don't know why I thought our presence and my rally cap would end the 7 Game losing streak.

Not My Proudest Moment

Today I offered my 3 year old nephew a quarter if he'd punch my little brother in the nuts. He did. He got in trouble. He swung a second time and almost got a spanking. It was all my doing, and I have to admit it brought a smile to my face.

What? Don't judge me! Little bastard got one whole shiny quarter for his troubles.

Sad But True

She said to me, "Where I grew up, in a small town in Iowa there was such a thing as the 'honor system'."

"Yeah, I think I've heard of that," I respond, "It's buried in a cemetery somewhere right between 'respect for your elders' and 'chivalry'."

Another coworker just shakes her head and laments, "It's true. Sad, but true."

Did I leave the coffee on?

One of the many things I have inherited from my mother and father, besides a good work ethic, respect for most others, and a love of Hush Puppies (The food not the shoes), may be a little senility. Now, I'm not talking about full blown dementia or anything, but just a tiny smattering of forgetfulness, silly little eccentricities, forgetfulness and sometimes I repeat myself, oh, and I may forget things from time to time.

Did I leave the water in the sink running. (Sometimes I do.)

Where the hell did I put my checkbook? (Always in a place where I'm sure I'll remember it.)

Did I just drive to work in my slippers? (Even today.)

Did I leave the coffee on? (This gets me every day.) Even if I have turned it off I can never fully remember switching the pot to the off setting. Sometimes I obsess about the oven... even if I haven't baked anything in weeks. I'll be half way to work and wonder about the oven or the coffee pot and start to worry. I'll worry for 2 hours... then I'll forget about it and start rummaging around for my checkbook.

You Can Catch More Flies With Honey Than You Can Being A Snatch!

I mean, honestly, your manners - What finishing school did you attend? Not to mention your lack of professionalism. Your attitude sucks, your social skills are atrocious, and your telephone demeanor is god awful - It's a good thing you're not the first impression people get of the school when they walk in the front door... oh, wait a minute... you are.

Last Day Of School

Yippeeee!



All I have to do is get through the day. We're watching a movie right now. Then we'll have lunch, maybe go outside afterwards. Soon after that we may watch another movie and then it'll be time to go home.



C'mon 2 o'Clock!

2nd To The Last Day Of School

"Okay, let's look at our schedule for today.

• First we had breakfast. Breakfast is finished.
• Now we are doing Opening.
• After Opening we will go outside for some free time.
• After free time we will go inside for some... um, er... free time.
• When free time is finished we will have even more free time.
• First free time, then Lunch.
• After lunch we will have free time and then maybe watch a movie.
• After the movie it will be time to go home."

I still have one more day of school to fill with free time and other various activities. This last week has lasted a semester already.

In other news, I got my tentative class assignment for Summer school. I'll have two of my students, the 'interesting' two, and five kids from the secondary autism class. I love the secondary class but a few of these kids are like six feet tall and 250lbs. I hope I don't have to change their diapers.

I Could Never Be Hunter...

I just hooked a turtle while fishing with my nephew and it's gonna bug me all day. The poor little turtle wriggling and snapping as we tried to pull the hook out of its mouth. I hope I don't have nightmares.

But that doesn't make me less of a man, does it? I'm still tough. I drink beer! I look at girlie mags! I have a beard! I'm a man's man... does that sound gay? I'm a dude!

Poor Sweet Little Turtle:(

Family, Crabs, Remote Control & A Baklava Sundae

Friday night was my mother's retirement party. I was amazed to see all of the people who attended to show their support for my mother. Co-workers, friends, family members, and various others. Everyone was their for one reason and one reason only - To Celebrate My Mother.

There were touching stories, tributes, and a slide show. My mother cried several times even though she insisted that no one should cry because it was a celebration. It was a fun time.

On Saturday we all got together at my parents' house and had a cookout/crabfeast. Aunts and Uncles, Nieces and Nephews, and the children running around like maniacs. I bought a little Dragon Kite to fly for my nephew. It ended up in the bay. I fished it out but it was lame having lost a leg.

On Sunday I went to a picnic - it was a lovely day for a picnic, wasn't it? - to meet a group of young boys with whom I will be working over the Summer. It's a class to teach young children with disabilities to converse with others, and develop social skills. The boys were pretty nice, and they asked me to play Remote Control. Basically, you sit in the circle and someone has a remote control. When they point it at you and say, "Click", you have to start performing a TV show, commercial, news report, etc. When they lose interest or want to move on to the next person they say, "Click" and you have to stop. One of the boys, an Animal Planet Fanatic, kept doing documentary style introductions about lush tropical forests, fierce predators, and the clouded leopards named Ty. This Summer should be interesting.

We finished off the weekend by attending a GreekFest at a Church near my brother's house. We got in at the tail end of celebration and there was no Ouzo left, but we did enjoy some Spanikopita, Pasticcio, and a Baklava Sundae that was very popular with the nephew. The pouring rain didn't damper our adopted Grecian Pride as we sat beneath a tent and watched the children dance to the extraordinarily loud Greek Music pumping through the speakers.

It was an eventful weekend.

Lucky Me

It's been over 10 years since I've visited a Dentist...

No, you didn't read that wrong -

Yes, 10 years -

No, I'm not kidding -

Yes, I have been clinically diagnosed with DUMB ASS! -

... but I went today to my family dentist. No Cavities! None! Teeth are fine. Well, not exactly. 10 years of plaque built up is not something toe laugh at. The woman scraped my teeth until I thought I would cry. I hope the poor Dental Assistant doesn't get Carpal Tunnel.

It was like the Spanish Inquisition.

Jab! Jab! Scrape! SCREAM!

Scrape! Poke! Prod! SCREAM!

(& Repeat Endlessly)

Blood? I spit out so much blood today you would've thought that I went the distance with Rocky Balboa.

It sure as hell won't be another 10 years before my next visit.

"Today I Didn't Even Have To Use My A.K..."

"...I have to say it was a good day." *

Spent the day chillin' on the beach with my Honey. Splashing in the river with my nephew. Reading a book. Walking my dog. Enjoying the weather.

* From Ice Cube's It Was A Good Day

Now I Get It... I Think...

Today I took another look at one of my first produced plays. It's called Sully, My Sweet and it's still one of my favorites.

Brief synopsis: Sully is an uninspired poet who is trapped between his past and present relationships. He must choose between the woman he used to care about and the girlfriend he doesn't know how to love.

A friend of mine, also a writer, saw the show and said to me, "I never realized how religious you are."

The comment was never explained. Upon further reading of the script, I think I have figured out why he made that remark.

In the script there are scenes where Sully reads postcards from Kate, his ex. Sully had manufactured a 'Taming of The Shrew' parallel in their relationship and she often is often referred to in Shakespeare's words. She is called 'My Super Dainty Kate. Kate, The Cursed. Kate of Katehall.' and 'The prettiest Kate in Christendom'.

It's the last one that I think fooled him. He's a pastor's son and maybe didn't get the reference to the Shakespeare play. Instead he might have heard something or other about the Kingdom of Christ!

That's not what I intended, but an interesting interpretation.

More Rage!

Still having problems with my F#*king passwords. Email accounts. Blog sites. Maybe I have too many passwords. I can't seem to keep them straight. Of course I'm pretty sure I know the correct passwords but it's not always that easy. I put in a password, they ask for letter recognition, I put in letter recognition, they ask me for my pet's name... when I started these accounts I didn't have a pet so what clever name did I come up with... Argh!!!!!

A Belated Birthday Gift

32 years belated.

Here's the long and short of it. My parents are getting their carpet replaced so we spent some time Saturday unpacking certain items in their house to make the furniture easier to move. We we moving stacks and stacks of books that have been on their bookcase for years when suddenly a title catches my eye.

Frankenstein or The Modern Prometheus

I love the original Frankenstein. I've even found a script based on the Mary Shelley novel that I would love to direct. It's called Playing With Fire (after Frankenstein) by Barbara Field. The play retells the story as Victor and the Monster take a break from their chase and try to sort things out.

Anyway, this particular novel on my parents' bookshelf is a hard covered book, copyright in 1962. I've seen it a hundred times but never picked it up. I start to ask about the book when my father informs me that the book is mine. It was given to my father on the night I was born by a buddy of his and it is inscribed to me.

It reads, "...You do not know know me, but I sat with your father on the night you were born. I hope you will read and enjoy this and read many more. -Colin Richardson, 28 April 1975 at Andrews Air Force Base, Maryland"

I thought that was cool.

Mother's Day

5 years ago, on Mother's Day, I found out my Mom had been diagnosed with Ovarian Cancer.

So this year I made a card for my Mom with my class, bought some daffodils, and walked in the Northern Virginia: 5K Run/Walk for the Whisper to benefit Ovarian Cancer. The walk was cool. My brother and his family, my parents and some friends of theirs, my fiance and a few hundred people all walking in Reston, VA trying to raise awareness for the cause.

By the way, 5K, sure it's no marathon but it's nothing to sneeze at either. We finished in just over an hour. I had my nephew on my shoulders for a good part of the trek; we sang songs and told jokes to pass the time. It was a good day.

News Flash

I read in a celebrity magazine the other day about the latest fued in Hollywoodland. In a bitter battle of words POP STAR Nelly Furtado and POP STAR Fergie are exchanging 'disses'. OMG! This is serious people. This is bigger than the whole East Coast VS West Coast Rap Thang! Who cares about the Jay Z and Nas' 'Beef'? (2 Rappers, Ma)

In the one corner we have a rich girl who is like a bird. She want's to fly away.

In the other corner we have a 'Kids Incorporated' Alumn, another rich girl, who's got lady lumps.

Let's Get Ready To Rumble! This is a really relevant scoop.

In other news, over the weekend there were killer tornados, the Queen drank a few Mint Juleps, SpiderMan 3 disappointed and a bunch of people died in Iraq. Just in case you weren't paying attention.

TECHNO-RAGE

So a key popped off of my work issued laptop... it's now been a week since the tech people picked it up... a week late. It's not rocket science but I'm sure the 'County' will take it's sweet time getting the computer back to me.

The limited access to the internet is why I've been remiss in updating my blog.

But when I tried to log in just now my password was not 'recognized'. So I had the password sent to my email, but instead they sent a notice to my email about how I forgot my passowrd and to click on a link to get my password. The link leads me to a page that askes me if I wanted to check my email. 6 TIMES! 6 TIMES! I went back and forth and grit my teeth before finally just having to reset my GD password. What is all of this technology accomplishing, really?

The Bachelor

"I have an idea for a reality television show. Let's get 1 stupid guy, and a bunch of stupid girls... ooh, ooh, it could be competition. He could give them each a lollipop... no, um, a souvenir keychain... no, no a flower or something. He could date them all, of course we would have edit out all of the handjobs, and herpes sores. Man, imagine it if we interviewed each of the idiots and got them to try and sound not so dumb and stuff. That would be so cool!"

I Agree, It Is The Little Things

Like sitting out on the patio, drinking a beer and grilling out. I like to cook for my honey. I'm not a great cook like my little brother. I'm not a very creative griller like my older brother. I don't get obsessed with the whole process of cooking and I don't stretch it out and make it an all day event. I just like preparing simple meals for myself and the woman I love.

I also enjoy it when she does the dishes:)

What Do You Mean 'Pacifically'?

Back in January I wrote This .

Today in class we gave our class presentations. The old rocker AKA the 1st Most Annoying Woman in the World gave hers. Presentations were all on teaching reading and/or language and literacy. She said 'Pacifically' or 'Pacific' at least ten times.

"This pacific example is..."

"You would answer this pacific question..."

The first few times I rolled my eyes. Then my neighbor leaned forward and whispered, "Pacific? Are you kidding me?" We laughed.

Then our other neighbor looked up and said, "What? Pacific?" The giggles started to grow.

I look across the classroom and another student in class makes eye contact with me and makes a funny face and waits for the next 'pacific' incident. She just cracks a smile and mouths, "Pacific?"

This is a teacher. She says 'Pacific' when she specifically means 'Specific'. I don't hold out much hope for the students.

Headache!

I signed up to be responsible for staff shirts. I contacted the supplier. I decided upon a design that would allow for a men's style and a women's style for the same price. I special ordered samples of some women's sizes to ease growing concerns. I personally spoke to every staff member about the sizes and how the women's ran extremely small. I double-checked the order. I placed the order. I collected the money. I'm still collecting money from some of the deadbeats. I make sure the shirts arrive in time for picture day.

The women's shirts are tiny!

The men's enormous!

Bitch Bitch Bitch Bitch! Complaint after Complaint!
Return the shirts! Change the style! Change my size!

Special ordered... Embroidered... Special Ordered! I only order what was requested!

I have a headache.

* See previous posts and you will learn that teachers, in general, are whiners! I work with teachers... they whine! I take classes with teachers... they whine. My friends are teachers... they whine. I'm a teacher and I am whining.

What The Hell Is Wrong With People: Part II

So the 2 suspects, 16 year olds, who 'allegedly' poured industrial strength cleaner containing sulhuric acid on playground equipment in Baltimore county claim that they didn't mean to hurt anyone. They just wanted to see if the acid would melt the slide. So they broke into an elementary school, stole property from the school and vandalized public property just for shits and giggles. The little boy who slid into the pool of acid, suffered severe burns to his lower body and is going to have a long, painful road of operations and rehabilitation ahead of him was just a tragic accident.

Course the accident wouldn't have happened if the two dipshits were home reading a book or had actual hobbies!

People Are Stupid! People Suck!

2 things I learned today.

1. I know about Tesla the band but not that much about Tesla the inventor. I watched 'Coffee & Cigarettes', and they talked about Tesla's Coil.
2. I actually like Pickled Beets. We were dinner guests and beets were offered. I accepted and went back for seconds. They were quite good.

*Another Earth Shattering Post, I Realize.

What The Hell Is Wrong With People?

Baltimore County, Saturday April 14, 2007.

Some immoral, demented, soulless bastards broke into a local elementary school, stole harsh cleaning chemicals (Sulphuric Acid) and poured them all over nearby playground equipment. Some poor two year old boy slides down the slide and winds up having to be taken to the Emergency Room with 2ND and 3RD degrees burn on his body. A TODDLER burned by acid because some shithead was playing a prank! I can't imagine what kind of person would commit such a crime!

JESUS CHRIST, PEOPLE SUCK!

The Egg Hunt

There I was leading my nephew through the yard in search of hidden treasure. Eggs in the grass. Eggs in the tree. Eggs in the flowerpot. Eggs by the fence. He spotted some from many feet away. There were others he was lucky he didn't step on before he saw them. It was a good time.

All in the name of Christianity and a big fluffy rabbit.

Disappointed

I was disappointed in the grade. We could have done bettter. We lost points in several areas that I feel I wouldn't have lost points if I had been responsible for those areas. I wasn't.

She was disappointed. The teacher. She told one of my group members that I should have 'Stepped Up' and taken charge. I should have shouldered more of the burden.

It's group project, lady. Groups have weak links. I did my part, and shouldn't be blamed for the shortcomings of others. Group projects are not easy.

I work better alone.

April Fools Day Blues

I don't know what it is. Usually I'm in it to win it when it comes to April 1st. Family, friends and anyone whithin reach should be weary. This year... NOTHING! I didn't even prank call my best friend's mother and she's the easiest mark I've ever met.

Lately I've been a little under the weather. Tired alot these days, as well. Maybe I'm getting old. Maybe I'm becoming boring. Maybe I've lost my mischevious desires. Maybe Peter Pan is dead.

Or I've just been a little distracted. There may be an opportunity for me to change my job once again. It would combine my two passions of theatre and working with special needs children. It could be great, but there are so many factors to take into consideration. (Salary, benefits, commute, another moveetc.) It's not turning out to be a black and white issue, especially now since the wedding's been postponed indefinitely. Oh well, I'll figure things out.

Valuable Class Time

It seemed that only 1 or 2 people had actually read the chapter. The teacher kept asking questions but received only silence in return. Crickets. Her lecture was on her specialty. She had a passion for this specific topic, and everyone in the class seemed to have banked on the quality of her presentation and so skipped the assigned reading.

Come on, people. Pay attention. This will be on your final. You'll need to know this. This is very important.

I drew this during the class. It's a mountain landscape with flying fudgecicles, bleeding teeth, musical notes, and a teddy bear falling to it's death. Just doodling.

Luck O D Irish...

I apologize to all of my Chicago friends whom I did not get a chance to see on our little visit. We were busy... We were trying to see as many people as possible... we failed.

The highlight of my weekend had to be giving a statement to the police. Man, it felt good performing my civic duty. I saw it all! I squealed like a stool pigeon about the brawl and my stupid ass even gave my personal info to the officer writing the report. I hope this BS doesn't go to trial...

Ah... the city life. How I miss it.

Yesterday...

There was just enough snow at the bottom of the slide for me to make a few snowballs with which my nephew then enjoyed pelting me in the chest.

Le Quack

"You know, it's like animals, you know? What do people say animals sound like in Japan? Or in France. In America we say ducks 'Quack' but what noise do they make in France? What's French for 'Quack'?"

-Overheard at a local coffee shop while trying to read a chapter for my special education class. I found it strangely appropriate.

'No Frame Of Reference'

The teacher made a request. "Draw a swing. Take out a piece of paper and draw a swing."

Everyone in class pulls out a piece of paper and starts to draw a swing. Everyone except one woman; one annoying woman. Not the most annoying student in the class but definitely one of the top three. She makes a show of not drawing a swing.

The teacher notices and says, "Draw a swing. Draw a swing."

The annoying woman says, "I have no frame of reference."

"Just draw whatever comes to mind. Draw a swing."

Times passes. The teacher requests to see the drawings. Students one by one show their sketches. Swing sets. Tire Swings. Love Seats.
We come to the annoying woman and she says, "I didn't really know what to draw. I have never been on a swing in my life. Where I went to school in New York, my school didn't have swings. I have no frame of reference."

ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME?

That's your excuse? The teacher asked for everyone to draw a swing so she could illustrate a point about individuality and perception and you manufacture such a lame ass eccentricity? You're, what, late fifties, early sixties and you expect everyone in class to believe in your lifetime, not to mention your many years of teaching young children that you haven't been exposed to the extremely rare and mostc exotic of playground equipment: the swing set?

Come On! At that point, several other students in the class envisioned what it would be like to violently kick an old woman in the head and at least one of them smiled at the thought.

You Know What I Hate?

I hate when I go to the store to buy 1 item and everybody and their Mama is at the store stocking up for Judgement Day. There's one cashier open and everyone in line has 30 items plus, but not me - no, I'm just buying treats for my pooch.

Suddenly, after 15 minutes in line, another cashier opens, and what crucial mistake does that cashier make? That cashier says, "The next person in line can step over."

The Next Person! NEXT PERSON!

That means, that if five people are still in front of me - the loud, ignorant, class-less family who have never fully committed to the check out line and are at least 6 customers back should not be able to scream, "Hey Yo, that's us and race their cart full of crap to cashier #4."

People! People! What ever happened to courtesy? Didn't your parents ever teach you not to be so stupid?

Sara's 30th

What is it about Japanese Steakhouses that makes for such a good time? Is catching sizzling shrimp in your mouth and drinking your exotic cocktail out of souvenir ceramic ninja cup such a mind-blowing experience? We had fun! Been really busy lately; stressed out. It was good to take the birthday girl out for a night of silliness.

Trying To Work

So, my computer can't access the website I need for all of the schoolwork I am supposed to be working on this week. I'm off of work thanks to Old Man Winter, and I am enjoying my snow days but the paperwork is not getting done. So, I've been forced to make hand-written notes and hope that when Friday comes and we have school again (Since classes have already been closed on Thursday) that I will be able to sit down and transfer all of my data and get the job done.

In the meantime, I've been dusting off a few scripts to submit in the weeks to come. And I realized that even though scripts have been selected/produced before doesn't mean that I can't re-submit them for different companies. There are a few script that I would love to see staged again.

ICE

No School Today! An Ice Storm has blanketed everything in a layer of ice. It's eerily beautiful. The branches glisten. The trees creak. Then a breeze passes by and fragments of ice come thundering down to the frozen ground. Branches have fallen to the ground. Some trees have snapped and pulled down power lines. All day long we have sat inside and listened to the sounds of the blowing wind, snapping branches and melting ice. We're trapped in our house; unable to get out of our neighborhood. Stranded. (Not really. But we really like being so secluded today.) It's a pretty romantic Valentine's Day.

In Over My Head?

Maybe I was spoiled. Maybe I didn't realize how good I really had. It's possible that I didn't appreciate things to the fullest.

Waiting tables. Serving cocktails. Shipping & Receiving boxes of 'product'. Various other odd jobs over the years that didn't really amount to much. I worked my shifts then went home without a care in the world. There were no consequences. If I messed up - well, I didn't really sweat it.

Oops, I messed up your order! You said medium-rare not medium! I Am So Sorry!

Oops, I thought you said Miller Lite!

Oops, I must have forgotten to order your dessert .This one's on me!

Oh, to go back in time and have a job where the worst that could happen is you upset some poor yuppie who asked for a 'half-decaf, half skim, room-temperature latte with a couple shots of cinnamon syrup, and a dab of foam... I said dab! It is so hard to find good help these days!'.

As it stands, I have been at my job for 3 months and I am swamped with paperwork, taking classes to get certified, and am responsible for deciding upon and implementing the educational objectives for four young men whom I hardly know. I will decide their next year of instruction. Me. This guy right here. Oh, did I mention this is my first time teaching?

I'm still getting used to the work hours! Cut me some slack!

The Note

She doesn't pass notes like all of the girls I remember from my school days. There's no secrecy. There's no attempt at stealth whatsoever.

She stands and crosses the room. The professor continues with her lecture; I think the teacher learned to just ignore this troublesome student.

She steps to my desk and I look up into her wrinkled eyes. She's somebody's mother - probably somebody's grandma. She's an educated black woman and she's gonna let everyone know!

She hands me the note, and waits for my response. It's the middle of class and she wants an instant reply. The note says

I'm an old rocker. Is your hat the group?

- My hat is emblazoned with an AC/DC logo and a few thunderbolts.

I tell her yes it was the group. She says, "I thought so. I'm an old rocker myself. You should see my Black Sabbath collection."

She returns to her seat, and the teacher lectures on.

You Learn Something New Every Day

Here are a few things I learned tonight in my Reading class.

1. There is something worse than 'Too Many Cooks In The Kitchen', and that is 'Too Many Teachers In A Classroom. (My class is comprised of all teachers, and a few of them feel the need to try and out-teach the course instructor.)
2. Put Teachers in a classroom environment and they will spend their time complaining about the status quo, and trying to show others how smart they are.
3. Repeating a fact or statement one Millisecond after it is announced by the teacher does not, in fact, prove that you possessed the knowledge beforehand, no matter how many times you try it.

Here are a few things I knew before tonight's class but would like to comment on.

1. Pacific is NEVER interchangeable with the word Specific... NEVER! If you find yourself giving someone a Pacific example of something I hope you are talking about a peaceful gesture or an ocean.
2. If you have to have instructions such as 'Mark the third sentence of the second paragraph on page eight' repeated to you 12 times before you understand it maybe you should shut the hell up and pay attention!
3. When a teacher is making a point, it is unnecessary to exclaim, 'Right' or 'Correct' or even 'That's For Sure' after every 3 words. It is much less annoying, and time-consuming if you wait until the whole statement is finished before simply, silently, nodding your head in agreement!

(Don't get the wrong idea. There were things, useful things, that I learned in tonight's class but boy-o-boy so far the annoyances have far outnumbered the nuggets of wisdom. I also, believe it or not, have respect and appreciate several of my classmates but feel it would be unfair to name them 'Pacifically'.)

American WTF?

Simon, Randy, and Paula - how do you do it? These people that audition for you are useless!

I'm a Special Education teacher and I keep wondering if I've seen these rejects wandering the halls of my school. Mentally retarded - Autistic - Touched - something is not right! How do you keep a straight face? Is this year's competition sponsered by the Special Olympics?

Old Pursuits

This long weekend I took the time to relax, unwind and tried not to dwell on the amount of school work I have ahead of me. This is a busy time of year for teachers and I have been swamped with paperwork. I will start taking education classes in the coming semester, add that to my work case load and I'll be quite busy.
But not this past weekend. No, instead I read a Tennessee Williams play that I really love, drank some coffee and tweaked three of my own scripts in the process. It's the first time since the move that I made an effort to sit at the computer and revise my own writing. Two of the scripts I have been working on for quite some time and I am aiming to submit them within the next few weeks. The third script was just a fun little idea I had which has led me into a completely different realm than I originally planned.
Writing has been a big part of who I am for as long as I can remember. It would be a shame to let my new 'career' overwhelm that passion. I must remember to write.

It made me giggle

I was sitting at a red light when I noticed that the Chevy Astro Van in front of me had an 'Autism Awarness' Ribbon Magnet. It's just like all of the other Ribbon Magnets, except instead of a solid color it features a jigsaw puzzle pattern on the ribbon. Then I look down on the bumper and read:

My Kid Got Autism From A Vaccine And All I Got Was This Lousy Bumper Sticker!

The New Year!

HAPPY 2007!
I can't believe it's here already. Last year was busy year for us what with all of the changes we dealt with it seemed like the new year would never get here, but thakfully it has.

The holidays were good. Spent time with family, read a book that was in no way related to my job, and tried to relax. I was excited to have a 'winter break', but it, too, flew by.

So here we are, Jan 2007 and all of the sudden my job kicks into high gear. In the next week I have to gather, and organize all of my data collection on my students and their educational goals so that I can write progress reports (We don't give ABC grades), I have to rework my entire Alt Msa binder as I have made mistakes on every single objective, and I have several meetings about my students to review their current status. It's all a bit overwhelming for a guy whose getting on the job training by being thrown to the wolves.

This semester I will start back to school, taking classes towards my certification, so hopefully pieces will start falling into place and my general anxiety about fumbling through the first few months of my job will be replaced by my expanding knowledge and a sense of ease. To think last year this time all I had to worry about was pouring Sangria and learning a new wine list. It's funny for me to look back and remember the times I freaked out when I would mess up someone's drink order, or forgot to order a desert - teaching's just a little more involved, and I'm guessing the consequences are more significant.

Oh well, you know the old saying - Anything worth doing is something that you may not always feel like doing at the time, or probably were never shown the proper way to do, and might eventually look back and say 'wow, why did I do that thing that way when I should have done that thing this other way?'. (Not really sure of the exact quote.)