When Life Gives You A Lemon... Part II

I shook the man's hand as he handed me the keys.  The seller had always claimed that he had a great mechanic for years and that the van was given a clean bill of health.  He offered to show me his receipts, and offered any assistance if the car needed repairs that were under his warranty or that his 'guy' had worked on.  The seller said something to the effect of, "Don't take this the wrong way but I hope I never hear from you again."  He wasn't being rude.  He meant he hoped that we would be happy with the Montana we just bought from him and that we would have a long, hassle-free ownership... we did not.  (See previous post)

It wasn't the thermostat.  It was the head gasket.  A costly repair that cost more that the car which I bought earlier in January.  In less than 30 days the used car I bought for a 2nd family car was in need of a major repair.  My 'Car'ma is the worst of the worst.  3 out of the 4 used cars I have bought in the last decade needed a major repair within the 1st month of owning them.  I have often joked that the only proof I have of a god is the fact that I have the worst luck with cars.  There must be some kind of higher power out there in the universe with a wicked sense of humor that I do not understand.  You cannot be an atheist when the cosmic joke is on you.

Suddenly I was faced with a major repair that cost more money than I was anticipating spending on the car in the 1st month of ownership.  Don't get me wrong, I know older used cars need upkeep and that car maintenance cost money but I would rather not have a car fall apart on me right away.  If I have to double down on my investment within 30 days that is not a good investment - that investment sucks!  Money is not something that we have ever had in abundance and there is no way that this repair was going to happen without some kid of assistance or divine intervention.

I contacted the seller to tell him of the problems I was having with the car.  I asked him questions through emails, and voicemail, about the overheating/thermostat issues.  In response he told me he'd never really had any issues like I was describing but to keep him updated.  I took the car in to have the thermostat replaced and the problem wasn't fixed.  The mechanic then explained that it must be the head gasket.  This was a possibility from the beginning but we'd hoped for the easier repair, and expected it to be the issue since it appears that the lower intake manifold gaskets had been replaced sometime in the past few years and that usually those aren't replaced unless you, the mechanic, are going into replace the head gasket, too.  (If you do not speak mechanic, which I do not, I can explain it a little simpler.  Work had been done on the engine which indicated that this might have been an issue in the past.  The repairs that appear to have been done were only a half measure, and most mechanics would have done a more complete job.)

I contact the seller again, because A) I'm trying to wrap my head around the mechanics' diagnosis and price quote and B) I want to see if the seller's mechanic has any paperwork on this particular problem.  I leave a message, fully expecting to not receive a return call, and go to work in the foulest of moods.  What are we going to do?  How are we going to absorb this financial blow?  Why am I cursed?

Back from the shop.

Here's where the story takes an interesting twist.  The guy calls me back.  Not only does he call me back but he feels terrible.  He is beside himself.  He claims he never would have sold the car to me if he knew it had this issue.  He does not want me to have to put the money in to pay for the repairs and says he'll buy the car back before he lets me spend the money.  He just needs more information so that he can go back to his mechanic and make sure he has everything straight.  Over the next few days we exchange texts and phone calls about the car.  He has his mechanic, and his brother, also a mechanic, feeding him questions to ask about the car to make sure the repairs are necessary, to find out the true nature of the problem and, I suspect, to cover his butt.  To be fair, I always had a good feeling about the seller and his wife.  They, a retired couple, seemed to me to be caring, thoughtful and above all honest.  I was beyond frustrated to find that the car wasn't as reliable as I'd been led to believe but was hesitant to think that I'd been screwed over.  They didn't seem the type.

Eventually, to clear his conscience, and wash his hands of the whole mess the seller cut me a check for the majority of the price I paid for the car.  I won't say how much but he was more than generous and I never expected him to make that decision.  I was blown away, and through several claims that he had no financial or legal obligations to me or my family, a few passive aggressive comments about me buying a used car without having any mechanical know how, and repeated reminders about how magnanimous his amazing act was I remained and still am grateful for this turn of events.  He didn't have to give me back the money but he did and I am not one to look a gift horse in the mouth for very long.

Thanks to this fortunate turn of events we were able to afford the repairs.  We debated taking the check, selling the van which the seller did not want back, and trying to buy a different car but after consulting with our mechanic we decided to have the van repaired.  This is not a car we will be driving cross country and is only needed for local driving.   Our mechanic believes that with the repair performed it will serve us well.  Of course, we'll have to wait an see what the universe has in store for us unfortunate car owners.

PS.  Today is Leap Day 2016.  I don't think I've ever blogged on the 29th of February before.  I searched and could not find a Leap Day post.  We tried to explain Leap Year to Evie Sue today.  She quickly lost interest. So far 2016 is shaping up to be an interesting year... Happy Leap Year. 





   

When Life Gives You A Lemon... Part I

The bad 'Car'ma continues.   Bum bum bummmmmmmm!  The new van apparently does not like freezing temperatures and has a thermostat that sticks when it gets below 10 degrees.  Of course, I now live in Minnesota, it's the winter and my car threatens to overheat on a semi-regular basis.  The thermostat sticks the engine heats up, the temperature spikes, a warning light comes on and I have to pull over, fiddle with some knobs, and wait for the thermostat to un-stick.  Meanwhile, the heat isn't working correctly as a side effect of the issue. 

Will this car be different?  Apparently not.

Yay, what fun!  The other night it took me almost 3 times as long to get home because I had to keep pulling over to the side of the rode and killing the engine.  It was 0 degrees.  Yesterday I warmed the car up, and I use the term loosely because it never warmed up, and after 45 minutes the vents were still blowing cold air, the temperature gauge was too high and I was going to be late for work.  I thought I'd be more comfortable sitting in my driveway than on the side of the road.  Turns out I was wrong and freezing your ass off sucks no matter where your car is parked.  Eventually I was chauffeured to work by my loving family whom cut short their trip to the library to drive me to work.  Luckily, Evie Sue was very understanding and not upset about it in the least.  Oh, but she wasn't.

My 4 year old is a noisy, noisy child.  Whether she is talking too loud with headphones on, screaming bloody murder at the top of her lungs just because she wants a cookie, or inanely babbling and shrieking in the backseat of the van as I try to keep an eye on the temperature gauge, fearing a breakdown, she always seems to be existing at an elevated volume with no desire for silence whatsoever.    Sometimes I reach my limits and I want to shout over her nonsensical chatter and tell her to shut her ever-loving mouth!  I want to jam pencils into my ears so I do not ever have to hear her singing songs from Frozen!  I try my best not to say anything too scarring in my moments of weakness. 

I'd like to go on record right now as saying, '"I'm sorry," to my father.  (There are probably countless things I could be apologizing for but in this instance I would like to apologize for being loud and obnoxious as a child and then not understanding why my father did not think I was wonderfully creative and/or fabulous every waking moment).  When I was a child my father would often say to me, "Rest your mouth, son!"  We could be watching television together, on a road trip, or even at the dinner table and at some point my father would pass his threshold for all things relating to me, my sense of humor and senseless babbling... "Rest your mouth, son!"  I would close my mouth, set my jaw in a defiant sneer and swear to never utter another knock knock joke, Pee Wee Herman impression, or ever give him the honor of hearing my voice ever again... Ever!  This resolution in actuality, probably, never lasted longer than a few minutes and then I was off again, flapping my gums.

Now, as an adult, father of 2 girls, and in-arguably still a loud and obnoxious tool I too have discovered a threshold for loudness and youth.  I get it finally and therefore would like to apologize to my father for ever vilifying you in the past when you would calmly request that I rest my mouth when you actually wanted to, simultaneously, slap me upside the head, shake me...hard, scream at me to shut the hell up, and stuff a sweaty sock in my gob.  I am sorry.

In another bit of unrelated news I have recently discovered A History of the World In 100 Objects.  It is a podcast that chronicles the history of the world using 100 objects found in the British Museum which you would've known if you just clicked on the link I pasted in this post.  Each episode is about 15 or 16 minutes long.  It's worth a listen if you have some time to kill while you're waiting for your piece of shit car to warm up in subzero weather.   

Less Than Passionate or Passionless?

I recently asked a handful of coworkers what, if anything, was or were their passions?  I got a few varying answers.  One said, "I dunno.  I really like music.  I guess I'm passionate about that."  (Doesn't seem like it.)  Another said, "I don't really have a passion right now.  It really makes life feel empty."  A few just laughed and asked me what my passion was and thereby avoided the question.

Recently, as I've been scanning social media I've come across a few "friends" who post regularly and sometimes even over-zealously about some aspect of their life and that aspect seems to define who they have become.  Countless pictures of a person at the gym or cross-fit center, mirror selfies showing their progress in getting their health body back, blog posts about accepting loss and finding love all seem to have assault me from every direction.  "Assault" is a strong word I realize; I don't have to read the person's post, or pay attention to their umpteenth inspirational Instagram post of the day but I do.  I sit on my smart phone during my dinner break, in front of the television, or on the crapper and I casually swipe my finger down the screen looking for something I don't know what. 

• Inspiration?  I doubt it.  I roll my eyes, and scoff when I see yet another mirror selfie and a random quote attached.  It doesn't seem like someone who has it all together or even answers to just a few of life's questions would spend so much time on social media.  
• An example?  I think not.  I don't get people who attach an activity to their identity, @jimmydoescrossfit and @brittanysquats post endlessly about their favorite activity, working out, and good for them but it seems a little much.  If I instagramed a picture of myself doing a chin-up, bench-pressing 250lbs at the gym, or even just physically in a gym then that would be something because this guy doesn't ever go into gyms these days.  "Look, he's in a gym!  What the hell is he doing in a gym?"
• A New Hobby?  Should I eat paleo?  Is yoga something I should be into?  Do I need to try the latest fat-burning waist-cincher?  Is their a new pyramid scheme out that I can best utilize with my facebook account?  I could sell essential oils, teeth whitening strips, yoga pants and/or Canadian yarn art but I don't want to I'd rather just swipe and scoff.

But then again who am I to criticize?  What am I passionate about?  If you were to peruse my social media postings you might find random posts about a few sports teams I like, movies I enjoy, goodreads.com updates, and a shit ton of pics of my family.  So that must mean I'm passionate about being a dad and a husband.  I enjoy it, most times, but I'm not grooming daughter to be prodigies or anything.  I'm not drilling Evie Sue day and night with mathematical flashcards or shoving a bassoon in Ronen's face.  I'm content to let them be kids right now and I quite enjoy goofing off with them.  I don't believe I've discovered a new way of parenting, in fact, I often remark on how inept of a parent I may prove to be.  As far as husbanding goes, I'm sure I have a lot of work to improve on in that regard.

What about my writing?  What about it?  I haven't actively worked on a script in an eternity.  I posted a few blog posts last year, "published" an essay online but I haven really invested myself in any one particular project that would be of note.  Even my blog posts can feel a bit routine as I'm giving monthly updates to my few readers.  Recently, I read a blog post by a high school friend.  It was about her moving on from a divorce and looking ahead, most importantly, looking and still believing in love.  She was honest, raw and a bit too much at times but she had something she wanted to say and said it with a passion.  It made me examine my writings, this blog, old scripts, etc,and wonder if I ever write with passion.  Do the stories I want to tell have passion? Is there something worthwhile that I'm trying to say with my scripts?  Do I take a stand in any of my writing or do I just comfortably hover along the middle ground?

What am I passionate about?

Politics?  Nope.  It's all a lot of stuff and nonsense.  No one can ever deliver on their promises because of all of the political manuevering that must happen.  Political parties are all flawed.  No one has the answer.

Religion?  Nope.  I believe that there is something out there in the universe that is bigger than me and I'll never understand it.  I'm okay with that.  I'll try my best to lead a good life without religion.  Organized religion is flawed because people are flawed.  No one has the answer.

Civil Rights? While I see the importance I'm not actively supporting or protesting any particular issue ate the present time.  I never really have,   I believe Black Lives Matter.  I believe White Lives Matter.  Lives matter.  Most lives matter to someone  even if they don't always matter to me.  I don't believe that I have ever oppressed anyone before but I regret oppression as a concept.  I think people should be allowed to pursue happiness, and be treated fairly because they are people and we are all sharing the same space but then again people are flawed.

Animal Cruelty?  I am not cruel to animals and I don't understand people who are no matter how flawed they are.

I don't give of myself or my time to any of the concepts listed above.  I have friends who are actively involved, volunteering their time at pet shelters, protesting police brutality in Baltimore, and drumming up support for their favorite candidate.  Not me.  I'll vote, shake my head in disgust at the evening news and pick up my dog's leavings but that's it.  These things, while I acknowledge their importance to some, do not move me to act.  I may be too apathetic.

According to merriam-webster.com the definition  of apathetic is

1 :  having or showing little or no feeling or emotion :  spiritless 

2 :  having little or no interest or concern :  indifferent

Spiritless?  Moi?  Indifferent, yes, but spiritless?  I don't know.  I agree I can be indifferent to a lot of things but I don't know if I'm apathetic.  Maybe I'm laid back... but not always.  In fact, I can be downright stressed out and emotional about many things.  Maybe I tend to be a bit uninterested these days in the world around me.  Maybe I never became a superhero not because I lacked extraterrestrial origins, an extra chromosome or a freak accident to give me superpowers but because a hero who chose to sit at home on the couch, drink a beer and watch Yo Gabba Gabba with his kids instead of fight the forces of evil and injustice wouldn't really be a hero worth being.  No one wants to read that comic.

I recently read an article, forwarded onto me by my wife*, after I asked her what she was passionate about, and in it the author says that finding your purpose has to do with identifying one or two things that are bigger than yourself.  My family would definitely be one of those things and while I may have my rough days, sleepless nights, and frustrating moments I love being a Dad.  I hope to be an engaged, and loving father.  As my daughters get older I plan for them to know me as a man who always has time for a kiss, laughs at their jokes, helps them up when they fall and spends time in healthy, rewarding friendships and relationships.  Maybe my writing will come full circle again and I'll be able to dedicate the time and effort that I always hoped I would.  Maybe I'll suddenly become passionate about an injustice in the world and feel the need to address it with my words.  Maybe I won't.  Maybe I'll just go on living as close to a decent life as I possibly can.

PS.  A coworker, a young man of 20, who was bothered by the fact that he doesn't seem to be passionate about anything anymore approached me about my question.  He reopened the discussion because it had been weighing heavily on his mind.  He feels he should have more interests having lost touch with his love of music, stopped practicing martial arts, and finding himself spending more time working on school and work.  We talked for quite awhile, and while I know we didn't come to any conclusions for either of us I do know it helped us both to be able to voice these feelings and frustrations.  That in and of itself shows me that I am not apathetic.

*  My wife didn't really have an easy answer to the question either.  It's not an easy question.  I'm sure there are those that could just rattle off a few causes that they support, or a social issue that consumes all of their free time and energy but it would appear that many people struggle with finding passion.