Hablas Japanese, Guey?

So I'm sitting at the sushi bar, enjoying my $1 sushi when two ladies meet for lunch and sit several chairs away. I eavesdropped! I'll admit it. I was minding my own business when the younger of the two announced that she was probably moving out, and leaving her boyfriend.

"Things have changed. Somewhere we lost it. Blah blah blah!"

Anyway, I'll spare you the boring, and oh so very common details, and skip ahead a little. The older lady was trying her best to help out, offer advice, psychoanalyse the boyfriend, etc. She couldn't stop offering her inept wisdom, and cliches.

Then a newcomer, a stranger, sits between us and starts talking to the Mexican Sushi Chef in Spanish. He's a regular and wants his rice on the side in one ball, and the fish sashimi style. Oh, and he doesn't believe in chopsticks, because he lived in Japan and, word is, they don't use them. The older lady hears him say something about Japan and questions him about it.

"So you lived in Japan?"

"Yes, for a while."

"So you're an expert?"

"I would say that."

"Well you certainly seem to have mastered the language. I heard you talking to that man."

????????????????????? What? What are you talking about?

He was speaking Spanish to the Mexican Sushi Chef! Spanish! Not Japanese! Who confuses the two languages, much less mistakes a Latino for Japanese just because he's rolling a spicy tuna roll. I wondered if she would have accidentally confused a Japanese man in a sombrero for a Mexican Caballero!

The newcomer just, politely, said, "Oh, I'm Latin American. We were speaking Spanish."

The lady didn't even flinch and said, "I've always wanted to go to Japan."

I almost laughed wasabi out through my nose!

Shuffle Board!

On my way from work tonight I got a phone call from my brother and his wife on their way to a bar that they could not locate without my assistance. 1/2 hour later we're all enjoying the import special and chilling, catching up, etc.

The big news? I beat my brother in the shuffle board game there.

Now, for those of you that don't know both of my brothers are extremely competitive! 1/2 of the time I can beat them at One on One, Darts, Horseshoes, Pool, or even Shuffle board,and any other game you can think of just because they get so wrapped up in it and I couldn't give a shit! Tonight I beat my baby brother at shuffle board (I whooped him good!) and I'm totally chill with the fact except that I know soon he'll read this post and grit his teeth and force me to go back to the bar for a rematch!

This One Time...

I got a call from a director who was in charge of a one act play I had written for a festival. He loved the script that I had written in a under a week. He only had one question. It was about a line of dialogue. One of the characters went on a little rant about religion, family, and warped priorities. The other character replied:

*

The Other Character

Boy, that's a mouthful.

*

He thought that there must be something better, more direct, or even more significant that the other character could say. I agreed. I told him that the 'mouthful' line was just me laughing at my own bulky, heavy handed speech on religion. I told him to have the character say whatever the actress felt like coming up with. He didn't really get it. There was nothing for him to get, I just realized that the moment I had written wasn't perfect and, for once, I allowed someone else to appreciate and possibly contribute to an imperfection of mine.

Money For Nothing

"I Should Have Learned To Play The Guitar!

I should Have Learned To Play Them Drums!'

Yesterday, as we were walking out of a little coffee shop around the corner, I happened to bump into an old work buddy. I used to work at a crappy little coffee shop, no not that crappy little coffee shop, well, okay, so I've worked at a few coffee shops. (Get a theatre degree. It helps!) We always see each other around the neighborhood. While I doubt we'll ever be anything more than just old work buddies I think he's a cool kid.

Anyway, this old work buddy would leave the job from time to time and go on the road with his band. I think he plays bass. I've never actually heard his band. A few months ago I bumped into him at a neighborhood bar after his band had played The Metro. We chatted for awhile, and it turns out he had just returned from touring Australia. Australia! How bad ass is that. I asked, "Are you still at the crappy little coffee shop?" And he drops the Australia news.

I was envious!

So we start chatting... Dude is leaving for Japan in a couple weeks for a 'mini' tour. Japan!

Why didn't I try and get into the music biz?

Okay, there was that one time in fifth grade when my brother and I, were going to start a band with the Colton Brothers. None of us played any instruments, well actually, I'd had 2 years of the trombone, (Chicks love a brass man!) but we were determined to Rock N Roll! We lip-synched songs from Motley Crue, Poison, White Snake, even Europe. We even had some kick ass names picked out. Dreadnoughts of Rock! Scott & The Demon Spawn! Psoriasis! Who knows? If we'd stuck with it, bought instruments, taken music lessons, put time in the studio, and survived at least one major addiction maybe, just maybe I'd be going on tour. Psoriasis would sweep across the nations of the world like a really stinky fart, the kind that gets into your bed sheets and lingers for days! Oh, yes we would've been Awesome!

Too Much!!!

Hey, what can you do? It happens. You decide to stay in and save a little money, play some games, socialize with family

BOOM

next thing you know you're stumbling out of bed, getting ready for work, and your head is pounding, your mouth dry, your balance is off, and you feel like up chucking every time you take a step! The last thing you want to do is bartend!

"How are you today?"

"I'm so hungover I'm cross-eyed! Look I can't straighten my eyes."

"That's nice. Can I have a Passion Fruit Sangria, a Margarita, and an order of the Chicken Curry Salad. Oh, and the grilled octopus! How's the octopus?"

"BLLLLLEEEEECCCCCHHHHHH!" (That's the sound of misery. The chunky, warm kind.)

It'll be quite awhile before I split 5 bottles of wine with you people again! I think I heard my liver disintegrate!

Romance

In order to love simply, it is necessary to know how to show love.

-- Fyodor Dostoyevsky

It takes two to make a thing go right It takes two to make it outta sight. Hit It!

-- Rob Base

Sometimes...

I feel like life is taunting me.

Teasing me.

Testing me.
Sometimes I feel like life is poking me with a stick trying to see how much I'll take before I turn around and spit a big globby loogie right in its pus!

Sometimes I wish I had the nerve!

Do you remember when, as a child, if you were feeling down you'd just run right out and play make believe? Your siblings were being a pain in the butt so you'd go out in the back yard, tie a beach towel around your neck and save the world from the evil forces of evil...ness? You got a two Cs on your report card, one for behavior and the other for handwriting, so you'd break out the wooden blocks and build an entire city to drive your Hot Wheels through? If it rained for a week straight, and your best friend was on vacation in Florida you'd strip all of the cushions off of your sofa and build a fort in your living room and read SpiderMan comics until dinnertime? Remember being a kid and being able to get away from it all with just a little smidgen of imagination?

Now if you want to get away as adult what are your options? Cheap liquor, posting on your blog, and reality television?

Sometimes I wish I could travel through time, fly through the clouds, and wrestle with trolls just like I did when I was young.

Reflecting On Good Times

This past weekend I had the pleasure of hosting my mom, and my aunt for a few days. They were in town for a convention that just so happened to fall around my cousin's 40th birthday. It was a fun few days.

We dined out. Played some boggle. Hit a few bars. Visited with family. Shared more than a few laughs. Obviously, we also saw The Bean. I thought these pics were kinda fun. (Pictured are my aunt, my mom, my brother, and my sister-in-law.)

1st Thing This Morning...

Well, to be honest, the first thing I did this morning was take a leak. We all know how bad it is for your body to hold it in after a night's sleep.

After that, however, I got online and IM'd a buddy of mine who is teaching English in Japan. Japan! Sometimes I still get excited about technology. It's been 6 months since I've seen this guy, and it'll be June before I see him again, so it was good to just chat for a while. I was just waking up, and he was going to bed and we caught up with each other briefly over the internet.

I really admire his get up and go to the other side of the world mentality. He loves Japan. He loves everything about it. He's having a grand old time! (Good for you, KD!)

Productivity

Today I brushed off 2 different one act play scripts. 1 of them I even submitted to a fairly new, local theatre company. The other 1 I will be sending off to a theatre company in VA. Both are completely different premises, writing styles, and lengths but I am extremely proud of the work that I've put into them. I hope that they are well received.

It's occurred to me recently that as I sit around and complain about the lack of momentum in my career, my incomplete scripts, and the fact that I have to wait tables to pay the bills nothing is happening to change my current situation. I haven't actually submitted in quite a while and in the meantime I stew over a rejection that I received months ago. So it looks like it's time I started putting myself out there again and actively seek production/ publication of my work.

I will keep you updated.

I Have A Question.

So I got sucked into, yet another, paternity test battle on The Maury Show. It's so pathetic but I sit there, holding my breath, waiting for the test results. Maybe he is the father, maybe he isn't, but I have no doubt that he'll be as classy as the mother.

Then it happened...

The woman actually said, "Why don't you axe him?"

Just once I would like Maury to reply, "Axe him? You want someone to axe him, the man you had a baby with who was already married? That's the guy you want axed? I'm sorry we cannot axe him because that would be homicide, and as we all know that would be wrong. Axing someone should always be the last resort."

How hard is it? The word 'ask' has 3 letters. A. S. K. Is it that hard to keep 3 letters in order and pronounce it right? It's not a difficult word like 'nuclear'. Ask. It's seems simple enough, but I guess if you're on The Maury Show for your 5th paternity test you might not have the time to brush up on your pronunciation.

Another Saturday Brunch

"Oh My Goodness, what is all of this?" asks the woman standing beneath the Bloody Mary Bar sign.

"What is all what?" I ask.

"All this. What is it?"

Somehow I refrain from pointing to the sign above her head and I pleasantly answer, "It's a Bloody Mary Bar."

"A Bloody Mary Bar?"

"That's right."

"How does it work? You mean you make your own bloody Mary's?"

"Yes,"

"How?"

"I give you a glass with vodka and you mix your own drink," I explain calmly.

"Really?"

"Really."

"That is so cool! What a novel idea! It's like a stroke of food genius!"

In my head I reply, "What are you, retarded? It's a Bloody Mary Bar, not a cure for Cancer! Every other bar in the civilized world has one, you moron! Hey, stroke my food, genius?"

In actuality I said, "Pretty neat, huh?"

Then the stupid woman and her stupid friend wandered around the restaurant, they were only there to use the restroom, before finally settling at the bar. While sitting at my bar she asked me for a sample of a draft beer, a sample of a sangria, then asked me the price of 10 different beers, liquors, and sangrias, all while holding a menu. She finally ordered sangria, her stupid friend only wanted water. Then she says, "I really love that drink bar thing."

10 Hours Away.

Sometimes all you want to do is get away from it all. Wouldn't it be nice to just get out of town for a bit? Take a break? Go on holiday?

That's exactly what we decided to do. With nothing to do on such a sunny Tuesday afternoon, we were both off from work, we chose to take a little vacation. So with the aid of our trusty 7 Day Passes we boarded the Red Line heading north, transferred to the Purple Line and stepped off of the train into beautiful downtown Evanston. Not the most exotic of locales, I'll grant you, but it was just what the doctor ordered. We had a great time strolling the streets, sitting in the park, and soaking up the local vibe. We had lunch, shopped a little, stayed for dinner and then drinks afterwards. 10 hours later we boarded the train heading back to the city with a bag full of goodies, and a smile on our faces; deliriously happy. (Of course that could have been the beer.)

R U Down?

I got the keys!

Why Not?

Christian Bale doesn't return my calls!

More Than I Could Chew!

Well, the deadline for the 3-Day Novel contest has passed, and regrettably I didn't make it. My hat's off to anyone who was able to write their manuscript in the allotted time. I cannot imagine how they did it.

Who knows? Perhaps if I had more than a day and a half's preparation. Perhaps if I had known about the contest far enough in advance to really map out a story, outline, and follow through. Perhaps if I'd had more than just the premise, and a vague idea of where the story would go. Perhaps if I hadn't worked for two shifts smack dab in the middle of the contest, but I don't want to make excuses.

It was hard. Sometimes the pages would just words would just fly out of me, and the pages would start to pile up. Other times I would stare at the screen and hardly be able to connect enough sentences to make a paragraph. If the average manuscript submitted is 100 pages, than I could not possibly turn mine in for consideration because I didn't even get half way there. I'm sure my story will, eventually, make it to 100 pages or more, but as of right now the story isn't completed.

That's the silver lining. Sure, I didn't finish my manuscript, and I am disappointed, but the upside is I did write around 40 pages of a story. 40 pages is nothing to sneeze at; over a weekend. I also realized that if I give myself realistic deadlines, which I never do, I could possibly finish a project or two.

I have 3 Screen plays, and 6 plays laying around in various states of completion, in addition, to 4 scripts that are complete that I don't know what to do with, and now I have 40 pages of a novel. Looks like I need to get on the ball and start pushing to get my work out there, produced and hopefully published. I sure don't want to wait tables for the rest of my life.

Happy B-Day, Z!

Sorry, I couldn't make your celebration. (Don't look so angry.) I couldn't get off of work.

I'm sure you guys took over the joint and partied like the Rock Stars that you aspire to be. I hope you had a good time and that you'll enjoy being 30.

A Word Of Advice!

Never ever go into a restaurant if they happen to be closing in 5 or 10 minutes, and God help you if you try to get a table after close. You automatically become an asshole. The servers don't like you. The busboys don't like you. The bartenders don't like you. The kitchen staff really doesn't like you and why should they? The kitchen staff has started cleaning, and breaking things down a half hour earlier; so has the bartender. The servers need to make money... true, but with five minutes left in a shift all that server can think about is getting the hell out of ther restaurant and going home to their significant other, or going out drinking.

"It's okay. I tip really well, " you say.

Great, that's 10 or 20 more dollars that the server will have in his pocket, oh no, but wait, that's potentially $100 or $200 that that server has to tip out on at the end of the night.

Listen to me, your service will be blah. The food, more than likely will be blah. The staff will be glaring at you, or cleaning up around you. Even if you tip well and think you're being 'cool' with your server they still don't like you. They might say something like, "The tipped me 25% so it wasn't that bad." It was still bad though, because your dumbass kept them their longer than they should have been there.

P.S: If a waitstaff is so amazingly nice and courteous to you even though you came in late and sat for an hour and a half after close... I'd check my burger for pubes, and I'd be willing to bet someone spit in your lasagna!

SCREW This Brunch BS!

(Above: The Offender!)

Today I had one of those shifts at work where nothing seemed to go right. I had other things on my mind and all I wanted was to get through the shift incident free. Fat Chance!

I had the GM of the restaurant hovering over me all shift critiquing me, and coming up with little BS chores, and tasks for me to do for his Bloody Mary Bar! We have to sell the bloody Mary bar! It's just more trouble than it's worth. Oh, and I missed last weekend since then they changed the lay out of the bloody Mary bar. Hoses, also, have been attached to the ice bins holding the garnishes, and they need to drain into a bucket. The GM wasn't happy with our spicy tomato juice so he's gotten a recipe from a local hot sauce retailer and now we make our own spicy bloody marry mix, and a salt/spice mixture for rimming the glasses. Then a display plate on the Bloody Mary Bar shifted and the decorative empty bottles of Vodka topple onto a pitcher with beef consume, which consequently shattered and spilled everywhere. What a pain in the ass that was! (Not to mention the fact that the bar gets torn down during my last hour of work. The busiest time of the shift. Even if I've had only one paying customer all day, and I've just been making a butt-load of Mamosas, and Kir Royals for the servers once I start tearing the bloody Mary bar down - WHAM - service orders, Mojitos, and suddenly a full bar. It's uncanny.)


Also, not only did the screw pictured above end up in a glass of Passion Fruit Sangria, but I shattered a glass into the ice bin and had to melt all the ice, clean out the bin, etc. Then right before I left I went to pour a glass of Cava, Spanish Champagne, and there was a pour spout in the bottle, and I thought to myself, "Hm, I've never poured it with one of those. I wonder if it works." The Answer Is No! The Cava fizzed up and spewed out of the nozzle, shooting three feet through the air directly into another bartender's right eyeball. It was like something out of a sitcom.

Somedays, it would be better to just stay in bed. Now I'm home and I just want to put it all behind me. Hopefully, I won't burn down the apartment!

Damn Good-Looking Couple!

'Nuff Said!