So I was in the ER last night until after 5 am. There was a 4 hour wait to see a doctor. As I was waiting for my Xrays to come back this old lady woke up from her drug-induced sleep and started singing 'He's Got The Whole World In His Hands' as only a toothless, senile old vodoo priestess can. Then she'd scream at the ER nurses, and call them all demons. Shriek! Shriek! Shriek!
I was there because I knee-capped myself at work. No big deal. Nothing too severe. No fractures, or anything. A severe'contusion'. (I've got a really bad boo boo.) A few hours after the accident I couldn't bend my knee at all. I'm not in excruciating pain, I just can't bend my leg. Even now everything is tight and swollen. So I'm on crutches for a few days, and staying off of my feet.
Except...
From some reason flies are attacking my kitchen. It's amazing. I don't think I've ever seen this many flies without large amounts of dung thrown into the mix. The kitchen's fairly clean, but they come in off of the back porch, which leads to the dumpsters. I've noticed that the flies have increased as the temperatures have risen. So here I am sweating and hopping around the kitchen on my one good leg with a crutch and a roled up Reader. I killed so many flies that I had to sweep. No kidding.
Whataday? Whataday?
Saturday, July 29, 2006
Friday, July 28, 2006
My Fortune
Cracked the cookie, and popped one half into my mouth.
Skip the numbers. Who cares?
I read.
Discontent is the first step in the progress of a man or a nation.
Makes sense.
Skip the numbers. Who cares?
I read.
Discontent is the first step in the progress of a man or a nation.
Makes sense.
Wednesday, July 26, 2006
Oh So Very Close...
In the Self Check Out Line at the local Jewel, when a man steps up to register. The man fails to notice the shopping basket ontop of the display unit which clued in everyone else that this machine was Out Of Order.
"Sir, that machine is out of order," announces an nearby employee.
No response. The man starts to go through his basket.
"Sir, that machine is broken!"
Nothing.
"Sir, that machine is broken! Hello? Sir?"
It is then that I notice the cord leading from the man's hearing device; one of those that is connected to the skull and a magnet on the inside. Anyway this device allows people with a hearing disability to hear, from what I understand.
Just as I notice the device the clerk says, "What are you...?"
I know she was gonna say it. How great a moment would it have been if this lady had opened her mouth and shoved her foot inside.
Maybe she caught herself. Maybe she noticed his device, too. Or maybe I imagined her saying it. Noone can ever be sure.
"What are you? Deaf?"
"Sir, that machine is out of order," announces an nearby employee.
No response. The man starts to go through his basket.
"Sir, that machine is broken!"
Nothing.
"Sir, that machine is broken! Hello? Sir?"
It is then that I notice the cord leading from the man's hearing device; one of those that is connected to the skull and a magnet on the inside. Anyway this device allows people with a hearing disability to hear, from what I understand.
Just as I notice the device the clerk says, "What are you...?"
I know she was gonna say it. How great a moment would it have been if this lady had opened her mouth and shoved her foot inside.
Maybe she caught herself. Maybe she noticed his device, too. Or maybe I imagined her saying it. Noone can ever be sure.
"What are you? Deaf?"
Sunday, July 23, 2006
Fat Hipsters in The Middle Of July
Are you really wearing a ski cap, and a scarf? It's 80 some odd degrees outside. You sweat pulling your chained wallet out of your second hand store jeans. Way to stick it to the man.
Why wasn't I born to be cool?
Why wasn't I born to be cool?
Sunday, July 16, 2006
Excuse Me, Jack-Ass...
...but if you only sign one credit card receipt, they're not carbons, and then you pocket that credit card receipt how do you expect me to know what your intended gratuity is?
...if you make a reservation for 10 then have two extra people show up that might be acceptable, but when 7 extra people trickle in during the course of the meal, claim another table, steal chairs from other tables, and then answer, "I don't want anything to eat or drink. I'm just here to hang out."... your pissing you're server off. Don't act all surprised!
... don't ever say, "What would be easier for you? Seperate Checks?"
"Why yes, yes 14 seperate checks would not only be easiest but also could possibly right all of the wrong that exists in our world! While your at it perhaps you would do me the honor of castrating me with your butter knife and then discarding my testicals in the gutter outside. That would be keen!"
* It might be time to start thinking about another job before I get bitter.
...if you make a reservation for 10 then have two extra people show up that might be acceptable, but when 7 extra people trickle in during the course of the meal, claim another table, steal chairs from other tables, and then answer, "I don't want anything to eat or drink. I'm just here to hang out."... your pissing you're server off. Don't act all surprised!
... don't ever say, "What would be easier for you? Seperate Checks?"
"Why yes, yes 14 seperate checks would not only be easiest but also could possibly right all of the wrong that exists in our world! While your at it perhaps you would do me the honor of castrating me with your butter knife and then discarding my testicals in the gutter outside. That would be keen!"
* It might be time to start thinking about another job before I get bitter.
Friday, July 14, 2006
A Bitter Pill
Disappointed.
I had hoped to produce and direct a one act play of mine for a certain theatrical festival this August. Unfortunately, my work schedule has thrown a monkey wrench into my ointment. I have missed a few production meetings due to work and fully expect to miss the upcoming meetings as well. Not good.
I also was having a casting issue. The script is very specific as to the ethnicity of the two characters: Japanese. I needed to find two Asian actors (1M/1F) who could play Japanese college students. I had the female character cast. I met with a local actor who completely looked the part and, after reading the script seemed eager to be a part of the project. Unfortunately, his availability did not mesh well with my actress'. I struggled over a rehearsal schedule for two weeks trying to find times that would work with both of my actors, and me. I couldn't do it. I even was trying to find another actor who might be a little more available.
Days kept slipping by and I was no closer to a beginning. I had hoped to start rehearsing weeks ago. My works schedule and the casting concerns had waylaid my plans. Eventually, I was forced to admit that maybe the timing isn't right for this project. Sometimes things don't fall into place and no matter how hard you believe in a project it just refuses to come together.
I couldn't come up with a feasible rehearsal schedule.
Having a devil of a time finding a second actor to take a look at the script, not to mention possibly casting him instead of my previous actor.
Missed production meetings, due to my work schedule, and a general miscommunication with the organizer.
Not to mention the fact that I'd be out of town for a family event, during the tech week for this particular festival.
All the signs seemed to be clear. I'm just a little pig-headed; hoping against hope to find a way. I couldn't. So last night I emailed everyone involved and withdrew my submission.
It stings. It does. But the silver lining is that I have another script of mine being produced as part of Speaking Ring Theatre's Fourth Annual Vitality Festival. Still moving forward.
I had hoped to produce and direct a one act play of mine for a certain theatrical festival this August. Unfortunately, my work schedule has thrown a monkey wrench into my ointment. I have missed a few production meetings due to work and fully expect to miss the upcoming meetings as well. Not good.
I also was having a casting issue. The script is very specific as to the ethnicity of the two characters: Japanese. I needed to find two Asian actors (1M/1F) who could play Japanese college students. I had the female character cast. I met with a local actor who completely looked the part and, after reading the script seemed eager to be a part of the project. Unfortunately, his availability did not mesh well with my actress'. I struggled over a rehearsal schedule for two weeks trying to find times that would work with both of my actors, and me. I couldn't do it. I even was trying to find another actor who might be a little more available.
Days kept slipping by and I was no closer to a beginning. I had hoped to start rehearsing weeks ago. My works schedule and the casting concerns had waylaid my plans. Eventually, I was forced to admit that maybe the timing isn't right for this project. Sometimes things don't fall into place and no matter how hard you believe in a project it just refuses to come together.
I couldn't come up with a feasible rehearsal schedule.
Having a devil of a time finding a second actor to take a look at the script, not to mention possibly casting him instead of my previous actor.
Missed production meetings, due to my work schedule, and a general miscommunication with the organizer.
Not to mention the fact that I'd be out of town for a family event, during the tech week for this particular festival.
All the signs seemed to be clear. I'm just a little pig-headed; hoping against hope to find a way. I couldn't. So last night I emailed everyone involved and withdrew my submission.
It stings. It does. But the silver lining is that I have another script of mine being produced as part of Speaking Ring Theatre's Fourth Annual Vitality Festival. Still moving forward.
Saturday, July 08, 2006
Are You Kidding Me?
10 o'clock in the morning my doorbell goes off.
Who could that be?
We are supposed to have someone come flush out our pipes, and restore water pressure.
Would they come unannounced this early on a Saturday morning?
I shush the barking dog, neglect the entrance buzzer, and opt to descend the front stairs and confront my visitor. On the way down I bump into a little old lady coming up the stairs. She carries a notebook binder full of flyers. She smiles at me and starts to hand me a booklet.
Can this be happening? Do they still exist?
OH MY GOD!
Jehovah's Witnesses! Jehovah's Witnesses assaulted my quiet little courtyard apartment building this morning at 10 o'clock am.
Who the hell buzzed them up?
I never buzz up unnanounced visitors, because somewhere in the back of my mind a little voice warns me, "No, wait. Don't buzz them up. Remember the stories. You could be unknowingly setting loose a pack of Jehovah's Witnesses on the rest of the innocent tenants. Will you be able to live with yourself?"
Who could that be?
We are supposed to have someone come flush out our pipes, and restore water pressure.
Would they come unannounced this early on a Saturday morning?
I shush the barking dog, neglect the entrance buzzer, and opt to descend the front stairs and confront my visitor. On the way down I bump into a little old lady coming up the stairs. She carries a notebook binder full of flyers. She smiles at me and starts to hand me a booklet.
Can this be happening? Do they still exist?
OH MY GOD!
Jehovah's Witnesses! Jehovah's Witnesses assaulted my quiet little courtyard apartment building this morning at 10 o'clock am.
Who the hell buzzed them up?
I never buzz up unnanounced visitors, because somewhere in the back of my mind a little voice warns me, "No, wait. Don't buzz them up. Remember the stories. You could be unknowingly setting loose a pack of Jehovah's Witnesses on the rest of the innocent tenants. Will you be able to live with yourself?"
Friday, July 07, 2006
The Memo Stapled To The Inside Of My Skull All Day Long!
What the hell is wrong with you? We don't appreciate the way you've been treating us lately! We will not stay in an abusive relationship! Grow up!
Sincerely,
Your Liver, Your Kidneys, Your Stomache, Your Lungs, Your Spleen, Your Pancreas, Your Brain, Your Eyeballs, Your Bladder, Your Spastic Colon, And Every Single One Of Your Muscles!
Sincerely,
Your Liver, Your Kidneys, Your Stomache, Your Lungs, Your Spleen, Your Pancreas, Your Brain, Your Eyeballs, Your Bladder, Your Spastic Colon, And Every Single One Of Your Muscles!
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