Today

Every year on this day, the day before my birthday, I remember my good friend and his wife, now of 10 years. (HOLY CRAP) I was there when two 21 year old kids said I do, and now years later I am impressed by all you have accomplished. I can't believe it has been that long.

Congratulations to both of you, Mr & Mrs East 3rd Street! Happy Anniversary!

* If you're interested I posted about their nine year anniversary a year ago. Reading old posts can be fun.

My Work Ethic!

I'm a team player!

If the reasons for big changes in my work routine are explained to me, I usually concede.

I don't make enough money for anyone to raise their voice at me. Anyone! (I'll spit on you!)

While I'm not doing what I hope to be doing, and I work every shift just to get to the point when I can get out of the restaurant business I try to make the most out of the situation.

Since I work for tips and my hourly wage is far below minimum wage I will never ever ever ever ever ever have problem walking up to my boss and saying, "Hey boss, someone left their shit-stained underwear downstairs crumbled up behind the toilet. You don't pay me enough to clean it up but since you're salary... knock yourself out."

Isn't life grand?

Sidewalk Chalk is truly amazing.

Not the actual invention, or the idea behind the invention, or even the person who came up with the idea behind the invention, but rather the possibilities that a box of sidewalk chalk offers. You can draw anything. You can write your name. You can spend endless hours creating worlds, beautiful landscapes, and majestic animals only to move onto the next empty sidewalk tile and start anew.

My nephew was visiting this weekend, he's 2, along with my sister and my mom. Yesterday we packed up the family, including my other brother and his wife, and hopped on a Metra train bound for the western suburbs. My cousin, and her daughter, also 2, were in town staying with my Aunt & Uncle, so we decided a get together was needed. The weather was beautiful, the children got along great, balls were kicked, lollipops licked, and there was no shortage of high pitched little giggles.

At one point someone held up a pail of Side Walk Chalk and said, "Let's go draw on the sidewalk." Cool. Next thing I know I'm more engrossed in the activity than the two toddlers. My cousin would draw a cat. I had to draw a Pig. My nephew scribbled lightning bolts through every image as my mother demanded a tiger to be drawn for the kids. I drew a tree. A rising sun. A Snail. My cousin's daughter asked for fish, I drew an entire aquarium scene... and I would've done it without any prompting. I had a blast.

I wish my nephew lived closer, if only just so I'd have an excuse to buy some Sidewalk Chalk!

Be Afraid!

Flipping through daytime television, and I happen upon Tyra Banks's talk show. Have you seen this? Wow, she turns Maury back into a credible journalist!

Anyway today's show is about phobias... scary! The first lady is deathly afraid of Styrofoam. Styrofoam! Severely afraid of Styrofoam. So they take her to a Styrofoam plant. Smart! Why not just throw her into a refrigerator box full of those little packaging peanuts?

Then I started to wonder about phobias. It's amazing what some people are afraid of. You can have a phobia of almost any ethnic group that exists(Anglophobia,Dutchphobia,Judeophobia,Russophobia,etc), you can have a phobia about long words (Hippopotomonstrosesquippedaliophobia), you be afraid of the Pope (Papaphobia), or maybe the color purple - not the movie, although I understand - (Porphyrophobia), and perhaps the most frightening of all a phobia of phobias (Phobophobia.)

Here's a few more fun ones... and if you're interested self-diagnose yourself here!
P.S. If you know anyone who suffers from a phobia I list please let me know. I'd love to torture them.

Alliumphobia- Fear of garlic

Arachibutyrophobia- Fear of peanut butter sticking to the roof of the mouth

Bibliophobia- Fear of books

Coprophobia- Fear of feces

Geniophobia- Fear of chins

Hobophobia - Fear of bums or beggars

Medomalacuphobia- Fear of losing an erection

Medorthophobia- Fear of an erect penis

Parthenophobia- Fear of virgins or young girls

Soceraphobia- Fear of parents-in-law

Zeusophobia- Fear of God or gods

Friendly Advice

If a bartender ever says to you, "Be careful, that Scorching Bloody Mary mix is really spicy. Don't over do it."

The correct response is, "Thank you. I'll keep that in mind."

Do not, I repeat, do not answer, "I love spicy stuff. I can take it." Then proceed to fill your entire Bloody Mary with the Scorching Mix. It's stupid. Chances are the bartender made the mix, which I had, or at least has tasted the mix before. You, being the complete and utter tool that the bartender recognized you to be when you saddled up to the bar, will regret your poor decision.

The bartender will alert the entire staff of your situation, and then you will notice more and more observers coming to the bar. They will all eye you unashamedly, and try to hide their smirks as you constantly blow your nose, cough, turn red, add more and more ice to your drink, and ask for your fifth refill of your water through teary eyes. Just make sure that when you finally abandon your precious beverage, with less than an inch consumed, to thank the bartender on your way out. He tried to be helpful. He warned you, but you didn't listen, and you wasted $7 plus tip on 1 inch of a drink that you might have enjoyed if you had just used the Medium Mix. Easily avoided...

I Can't Decide

Which is more frustrating?

Waiting 6 months to have a script rejected or rereading the script and understanding why it was rejected?

Mas Divertido En Ingles... O Espanol?

* Funnier In English or Spanish?

The following conversation is translated from spanish. Two of my co-workers, Mexican Prep-Cooks, Jorge, the short bearded one, fills out the date labels for a few trays of recently prepped tapas, as Pepe, the jolly, portions out roasted peppers.

Jorge - 4/06/06. He he. Hey look. If it was June it would be 06/06/06. Cause June is the sixth month, right?

Pepe - June is, yeah.

Jorge - 06/06/06? Get it? 6 6 6! That's the Devil's Number!

Pepe - Man, that's so cool!

Both Mexicans start giggling to the point where I start to suspect they might be high. I picked up my coffee and walked back to the bar shaking my head.

Nice To Meet You... Again

I was a little nervous this weekend before I walked into my friend's 30th birthday party. We used to work together and neither one of us has been really good about keeping in touch. As often happens you drift apart, and some people are less understanding than others. This friend however was great. Her face lit up, and she was genuinely glad to see me. She kept saying that she wasn't sure if I would make it because I didn't respond to the Evite, which I seldom do. Then other familiar faces started to show up, old friends and acquaintances that I haven't seen in years. Updates were given, congratulations handed out, sympathies offered, etc. All in all it was a pretty fun evening.

Sunday was a completely different story as I began to feel slight twinges of pain in my lower back. As the day progressed the pain became worse until the all too familiar realization hits me. My kidneys. Here we go again. Over the next 24 hours the pain washed over me in waves; ebbing and flowing. I couldn't sleep. I had a hard time walking. I'd almost forgotten. It has been 6 years since I've had to deal with the medical problem, and I finally have health insurance. I should probably look into seeing a doctor before I end up hooked to an IV and draining fluid out of my back... again.