...but if you only sign one credit card receipt, they're not carbons, and then you pocket that credit card receipt how do you expect me to know what your intended gratuity is?
...if you make a reservation for 10 then have two extra people show up that might be acceptable, but when 7 extra people trickle in during the course of the meal, claim another table, steal chairs from other tables, and then answer, "I don't want anything to eat or drink. I'm just here to hang out."... your pissing you're server off. Don't act all surprised!
... don't ever say, "What would be easier for you? Seperate Checks?"
"Why yes, yes 14 seperate checks would not only be easiest but also could possibly right all of the wrong that exists in our world! While your at it perhaps you would do me the honor of castrating me with your butter knife and then discarding my testicals in the gutter outside. That would be keen!"
* It might be time to start thinking about another job before I get bitter.
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