The Elusive Vest!

So I have a job now. Today was my first day of training and Friday we were given our uniform requirements. Pretty standard.

• Black Pants
• Black Shoes
• Black Socks
• Black Belt
• White Button-Down, Long-Sleeve Dress Shirt
• A Dress Vest (Your choice of style.)
• A Neck Tie (Also Your A Choice)
• Four Black Pens
• A Wine Key
• A Lighter

So I roll out of bed on Sunday afternoon and brave the intense heat, the Cubs crowd, and my killer hangover (Bachelor Party) to go out and rustle up the few items I didn't possess. What grown man doesn't own a white dress shirt and black slacks? Me! I'm that grown man. Five pairs of jeans, and countless obnoxious T-Shirts but no white dress shirt, or black pants.

Easily solved. In the first hour out I had purchased a shirt and pants, separately, for less than $20.

All that was left was a vest. How hard could it be to find a vest! Well, the first place didn't have any vests. Nor the second. The third only had XS tuxedo vests, oh and one sparkly black number that I passed on. The next place had no vests. The following store, an Army Surplus Store had vests... Camouflaged vests! The next place had only sweater vests. One vendor said, "I got leather vests. You know, Harley Davidson?"

Where in the hell are all of the vests? Don't get me wrong, it's not my fashion accessory of choice either! The only people, besides waiters, I see wearing vests these days are Valets, Chain Gangs, and The Coast Guard! But I never thought that a vest would be so hard to hunt down.

This morning I got up and went to a uniform store and the cheapest vest was $40. For a vest! $40 for a vest, which is kinda like paying $40 for a 'Dress Tank Top'! For that much money the vest should have sleeves... of course then it wouldn't be a vest!

So finally, with an hour and a half to spare I found a thrift store with vests. Butt Ugly vests! You know, plaid, stripes, a few Tiger Scout vests, some terminally stained vests and one borderline passable vest. This was the 16th store I had tried in less than 24 hours, I was at my wit's end. The vest is Navy Blue with a silver back, and Bright, Shiny, Gold Buttons and I bought it for $5!

Of course I was so anxious, and frustrated I didn't bother to try it on until I got home. It's a little snug but I can't tell if it's the vest, or my gut. The gut I can work on.