Mother's Day. What a wonderful day to celebrate the wonder that is MOM. Here's a few rules I shall be implementing for Mother's Day once I have conquered this pitiful ball of mud we call Earth.
1) If you take your Mother out for Brunch on Mother's Day do not leave a 9% tip.
2) If you take your Mother out for Brunch on Mother's Day and plan on leaving a 9% tip do not shake your server's hand on your way out of the door.
3) Do not go out for Mother's Day Brunch, or any other meal for that matter, with only $20 and run up a $19.51 tab. This leaves a $.49 tip which SUCKS! ($.49? I can't even make a phone call for $.49.)
4) Do not schedule servers for a double on Mother's Day, and promise them a profittable shift, plenty of customers, and great tips if in fact you can only deliver crappy tips, empty tables, and an 11 hour shift that leaves your servers irritable, exhausted, and questioning their belief in God.
*****If you break any of these important rules I, the conquereror of said mud ball named Earth, get to spit a big, gooey, Doc Holiday loogie in your face and kick you in the nuts and/or punch you in the breast.
I have spoken!
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