Self-Absorbed

In my head it has all gone very differently. I never wandered off track years ago. I never had to tread water waiting for some sign, or assistance. I didn't achieve this mediocrity, that is, easily. I rose above it, and achieved.

As is... I sit, and wait, and stumble, and turn, and, and sit, and wait, and stumble, and turn, and peer into the darkness of uncertainty. I feel inadequate. I feel like a sham, and a disappointment to those who expected so much from 'a young man with so much promise'. I feel like a child in wolf's clothing. I feel like an idiot.

Then I realize that I haven't stepped outside of my head in so long I'm turning in on myself. Shunning those who would help, ignoring those who care, and only spending quality time with my bitterness, and exaggerated misery. It's hard to see clearly with your head up your own ass!
That's all it is sometimes...