It Happens Sometimes...

Sometimes life just gets in the way.

I had planned to complete another one of my scripts by today, my birthday, but I didn't.

There were many factors that contributed towards my delinquency, and none too exciting: work matters, money matters, personal matters, Spring Break, etc. Life encroached on my plans and I didn't follow through with my goal. I am easily distracted these days. It's gotten to be a familiar tune to these ears of mine. Life, lately, hasn't been what we had once hoped it would be, and so then I begin to doubt decisions already made, steps to be taken, and directions to be followed. With all of this in mind it is hard to focus on a pet project that, more than likely, will not better our situation. Am I willing to keep expending energy on, spinning my wheels for these fruitless minor undertakings? Am I?

Who knows? Today I enter into my late/mid 30's and I am no better off than I have been in years past. This doesn't apply to every aspect of my life, obviously, but many that I always hoped would improve with time. I am still trying to figure out my finances, my career, my direction in life, and my identity as an artist, if that is what I claim to be. These gray areas, smudges of uncertainty, in my life weigh me down beneath their burden as if I were a smaller scaled Atlas being punished for some unknown transgression that, when it eventually is brought to light, will be revealed to be caused by my own self.

In summation, I guess I'm just feeling a little blue about another year passing me by and leaving me still holding my sack full of unanswered questions. This long death of life moves on and I, like many many more, have no idea of how to manipulate the rudder effectively and so must hope for favorable winds and gentle currents. I don't mind the occasional swell, or passing storm but this aimless drifting grows weary. I must somehow find my way forward before I fall off the edge of the world.