Dear Mr. Anonymous Driver in the Black Honda Accord,

You do not know me but I am a fellow commuter on the Washington Beltway. I, too, sit in traffic every morning, and wish for a speedier flow of automobiles. It is not always a pleasant drive. I don't imagine you like spending so much time in your car every morning; neither do I. I would like to give you a friendly piece of advice to carry with you when you're in your Black Honda Accord every morning.

You are not alone!

I am there. I am right beside you. I am in the lane next to yours. I am watching you. My jaw is stretched wide open, and my eyes are popping out of their sockets as I see you, a well-dressed, professional young man, digging up your nose to the second knuckle. We all do it. I'll admit to picking my nose in the car. I do, but I try to be discreet about it and I have never - NEVER - followed up the act by inserting the same finger into my waiting mouth, as I saw you do!

You can't dey it. You dug up your nose, while I was watching, and then put your finger in your mouth! Twice! I saw you do it twice! Who knows how many times you commited this disgusting act during your commute. I almost crashed my car I was laughing so hard! What are you driving to your first day of Kindergarten?

In closing, I would just like to say that a person's diet is their own business. I would hate to judge a person I don't know but, in this case I would have to say to you, 'You eat boogers, my good man! (My good, booger-eating man!) Gross!'

Sincerely,

Mr. I Only Had A Bagel This Morning