JUST LIGHT THE FRIGGIN' TORCH ALREADY!

I'm tired. My dog's pacing cause she has to go out. I've read two graphic novels, and the opening ceremony is still going on.

At the end I heard a anchorman say something like, "An opening ceremony that defies all superlatives."

I'm not sure if these qualify but I'll try...

Most Amazing!

Longest Ever!

MOST AMAZING LONGEST EVER! (Does that count?)

Sure some of the visuals were amazing. The pyrotechnics were awesome. The kids were cute. The drummers rocked! The gymnast, acrobats and high-flyers were inspiring.

Then came the Parade of Nations. I always love it. Athletes from over 200 nations march in - this time it wasn't alphabetically cause of the Chinese Language - and wave their flag, shoot video, and make cell phone calls to relatives back home. I would've enjoyed it more if it hadn't been brought to my attention that something like 84 of those countries have never medaled in the Olympics. The team from those countries would march into the arena and the announcer would say something stupid like, "This is their Olympic event right here. This is the highlight of their Olympic experience just marching in the Parade."

Jack Ass!

Oh, and then when it was FINALLY time to light the Olympic Cauldron8 Chinese Athletes helped carry the torch through the arena. 8 different Athletes! The country of Niger, I believe, has only 1 athlete competing in these Olympic Games but it took 8 athletes from China to light the Cauldron once the torch was in the building! Not to mention the last guy, Li Ning! Boy was that cool to watch! He gets the flame lifts into the air on wires and the creeeeeeeeeeps around the entire length of the stadium awning before lighting the Cauldron. It took forever! He's supended in the air moving his legs so it looks like he's running sideways and, apparently, he outran the visual projections cause I swear they slowed him down at one point. I was ready to stroke out just waiting for him to go ahead at light the damn thing!

The Opening Ceremony was soooo long that I almost forgot about the atrocities committed by the Chinese government against the people of Tibet, and the whole religious intolerance thing they got going on over there.

In case you weren't paying attention, the 2008 Olympic Summer Games in Beijing have begun, and after 5 hours of programing the Olympic Cauldron was finally lit.

Let the games begin.