I Have This Friend, Right?

He's separated and headed for a divorce after 14 years of marriage. Now, I know this isn't exactly unheard of but this case upsets me so because he is the nicest, most caring, and genuine person I know. We were college roommates many years ago and even though our lives took us down completely different paths we've tried to keep in touch. Whenever we chat on the phone or swap emails it is always abundantly obvious that he is still the same caring person I roomed with back at ECU. It also seems like we are able to just pick up where we left off last time.

A few days ago this very friend came to stay with Sara and I for an evening. He was visiting the Annapolis area on his 1st leg of a journey; a trip in which he tried to reconnect with old friends, and people that slipped by the wayside when he was trying to make his marriage work. He'd been in Naptown for a few days but had managed to split his time between several friends so as not to 'burden anyone too much'. Nice guy, right? He was so concerned with being a nuisance, and just wanted to spend some time with some people he cared about and vice versa.

Through the course of the evening - dinner, brief stop by a karaoke bar, and back at my house for a late night chat - he filled me in on his perspective of the marriage, and what life's been like for the last several years. I can't even imagine. I found myself getting worked up and angry at the way I perceived my friend to have been abused during his married life. Here's is someone who came to doubt his own self worth, and constantly blamed himself for the shortcomings in his relationship but the whole time the problem wasn't him. It was frustrating to hear how such a loving, accommodating person was neglected.

It was a good visit. We remembered old times, talked hopefully of the future, and just appreciated getting to hang out with each other again. We sent him on his way Saturday morning on his 2nd half of the trip. He ended up sitting in traffic for close to 9 hours for a trip that should've taken half the time. He'll spend some time with family on the coast of NC and then head back home to his 3 children, busy job, and newly single life. I hope one day he finds someone who will be worthy of his affection. He deserves it.