'No Frame Of Reference'

The teacher made a request. "Draw a swing. Take out a piece of paper and draw a swing."

Everyone in class pulls out a piece of paper and starts to draw a swing. Everyone except one woman; one annoying woman. Not the most annoying student in the class but definitely one of the top three. She makes a show of not drawing a swing.

The teacher notices and says, "Draw a swing. Draw a swing."

The annoying woman says, "I have no frame of reference."

"Just draw whatever comes to mind. Draw a swing."

Times passes. The teacher requests to see the drawings. Students one by one show their sketches. Swing sets. Tire Swings. Love Seats.
We come to the annoying woman and she says, "I didn't really know what to draw. I have never been on a swing in my life. Where I went to school in New York, my school didn't have swings. I have no frame of reference."

ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME?

That's your excuse? The teacher asked for everyone to draw a swing so she could illustrate a point about individuality and perception and you manufacture such a lame ass eccentricity? You're, what, late fifties, early sixties and you expect everyone in class to believe in your lifetime, not to mention your many years of teaching young children that you haven't been exposed to the extremely rare and mostc exotic of playground equipment: the swing set?

Come On! At that point, several other students in the class envisioned what it would be like to violently kick an old woman in the head and at least one of them smiled at the thought.

You Know What I Hate?

I hate when I go to the store to buy 1 item and everybody and their Mama is at the store stocking up for Judgement Day. There's one cashier open and everyone in line has 30 items plus, but not me - no, I'm just buying treats for my pooch.

Suddenly, after 15 minutes in line, another cashier opens, and what crucial mistake does that cashier make? That cashier says, "The next person in line can step over."

The Next Person! NEXT PERSON!

That means, that if five people are still in front of me - the loud, ignorant, class-less family who have never fully committed to the check out line and are at least 6 customers back should not be able to scream, "Hey Yo, that's us and race their cart full of crap to cashier #4."

People! People! What ever happened to courtesy? Didn't your parents ever teach you not to be so stupid?

Sara's 30th

What is it about Japanese Steakhouses that makes for such a good time? Is catching sizzling shrimp in your mouth and drinking your exotic cocktail out of souvenir ceramic ninja cup such a mind-blowing experience? We had fun! Been really busy lately; stressed out. It was good to take the birthday girl out for a night of silliness.

Trying To Work

So, my computer can't access the website I need for all of the schoolwork I am supposed to be working on this week. I'm off of work thanks to Old Man Winter, and I am enjoying my snow days but the paperwork is not getting done. So, I've been forced to make hand-written notes and hope that when Friday comes and we have school again (Since classes have already been closed on Thursday) that I will be able to sit down and transfer all of my data and get the job done.

In the meantime, I've been dusting off a few scripts to submit in the weeks to come. And I realized that even though scripts have been selected/produced before doesn't mean that I can't re-submit them for different companies. There are a few script that I would love to see staged again.

ICE

No School Today! An Ice Storm has blanketed everything in a layer of ice. It's eerily beautiful. The branches glisten. The trees creak. Then a breeze passes by and fragments of ice come thundering down to the frozen ground. Branches have fallen to the ground. Some trees have snapped and pulled down power lines. All day long we have sat inside and listened to the sounds of the blowing wind, snapping branches and melting ice. We're trapped in our house; unable to get out of our neighborhood. Stranded. (Not really. But we really like being so secluded today.) It's a pretty romantic Valentine's Day.

In Over My Head?

Maybe I was spoiled. Maybe I didn't realize how good I really had. It's possible that I didn't appreciate things to the fullest.

Waiting tables. Serving cocktails. Shipping & Receiving boxes of 'product'. Various other odd jobs over the years that didn't really amount to much. I worked my shifts then went home without a care in the world. There were no consequences. If I messed up - well, I didn't really sweat it.

Oops, I messed up your order! You said medium-rare not medium! I Am So Sorry!

Oops, I thought you said Miller Lite!

Oops, I must have forgotten to order your dessert .This one's on me!

Oh, to go back in time and have a job where the worst that could happen is you upset some poor yuppie who asked for a 'half-decaf, half skim, room-temperature latte with a couple shots of cinnamon syrup, and a dab of foam... I said dab! It is so hard to find good help these days!'.

As it stands, I have been at my job for 3 months and I am swamped with paperwork, taking classes to get certified, and am responsible for deciding upon and implementing the educational objectives for four young men whom I hardly know. I will decide their next year of instruction. Me. This guy right here. Oh, did I mention this is my first time teaching?

I'm still getting used to the work hours! Cut me some slack!

The Note

She doesn't pass notes like all of the girls I remember from my school days. There's no secrecy. There's no attempt at stealth whatsoever.

She stands and crosses the room. The professor continues with her lecture; I think the teacher learned to just ignore this troublesome student.

She steps to my desk and I look up into her wrinkled eyes. She's somebody's mother - probably somebody's grandma. She's an educated black woman and she's gonna let everyone know!

She hands me the note, and waits for my response. It's the middle of class and she wants an instant reply. The note says

I'm an old rocker. Is your hat the group?

- My hat is emblazoned with an AC/DC logo and a few thunderbolts.

I tell her yes it was the group. She says, "I thought so. I'm an old rocker myself. You should see my Black Sabbath collection."

She returns to her seat, and the teacher lectures on.

You Learn Something New Every Day

Here are a few things I learned tonight in my Reading class.

1. There is something worse than 'Too Many Cooks In The Kitchen', and that is 'Too Many Teachers In A Classroom. (My class is comprised of all teachers, and a few of them feel the need to try and out-teach the course instructor.)
2. Put Teachers in a classroom environment and they will spend their time complaining about the status quo, and trying to show others how smart they are.
3. Repeating a fact or statement one Millisecond after it is announced by the teacher does not, in fact, prove that you possessed the knowledge beforehand, no matter how many times you try it.

Here are a few things I knew before tonight's class but would like to comment on.

1. Pacific is NEVER interchangeable with the word Specific... NEVER! If you find yourself giving someone a Pacific example of something I hope you are talking about a peaceful gesture or an ocean.
2. If you have to have instructions such as 'Mark the third sentence of the second paragraph on page eight' repeated to you 12 times before you understand it maybe you should shut the hell up and pay attention!
3. When a teacher is making a point, it is unnecessary to exclaim, 'Right' or 'Correct' or even 'That's For Sure' after every 3 words. It is much less annoying, and time-consuming if you wait until the whole statement is finished before simply, silently, nodding your head in agreement!

(Don't get the wrong idea. There were things, useful things, that I learned in tonight's class but boy-o-boy so far the annoyances have far outnumbered the nuggets of wisdom. I also, believe it or not, have respect and appreciate several of my classmates but feel it would be unfair to name them 'Pacifically'.)

American WTF?

Simon, Randy, and Paula - how do you do it? These people that audition for you are useless!

I'm a Special Education teacher and I keep wondering if I've seen these rejects wandering the halls of my school. Mentally retarded - Autistic - Touched - something is not right! How do you keep a straight face? Is this year's competition sponsered by the Special Olympics?

Old Pursuits

This long weekend I took the time to relax, unwind and tried not to dwell on the amount of school work I have ahead of me. This is a busy time of year for teachers and I have been swamped with paperwork. I will start taking education classes in the coming semester, add that to my work case load and I'll be quite busy.
But not this past weekend. No, instead I read a Tennessee Williams play that I really love, drank some coffee and tweaked three of my own scripts in the process. It's the first time since the move that I made an effort to sit at the computer and revise my own writing. Two of the scripts I have been working on for quite some time and I am aiming to submit them within the next few weeks. The third script was just a fun little idea I had which has led me into a completely different realm than I originally planned.
Writing has been a big part of who I am for as long as I can remember. It would be a shame to let my new 'career' overwhelm that passion. I must remember to write.